Unmasked and Vulnerable .... I Buzzed My Head

I buzzed my head. I really did it. I had thought about the idea before. I always knew at some point in my life, I would shave it or buzz it short. But it really hit me hard a few days ago. Sterling and I were driving somewhere, talking about something I don't even remember, and out of the blue I heard my voice say "I'm going to shave my head." It wasn't a "Should I shave my head?" It was a realization. It was "Wow. I'm about to shave my head." By the second time I brought it up to Sterling, he knew it was going to happen.

Let's just take a moment to look at that handsome supportive Sterling. Isn't he just the greatest? He helped me buzz the back where I couldn't see. 

 I had been trying to grow my hair out a little bit longer, and healthier. I miss my brown hair, my curls, or even just having shine. I missed running my fingers through my hair without breaking the ends. I've had bleached hair for quite some time now. Even when I went back to brunette a few years ago, I never let that bleach fully grow it before I just re-bleached it.
Bleaching and dying had gotten to be too time consuming... to tedious... too painful even.
I had noticed while combing through my hair, pieces would break off and fall. When my hair would dry naturally, it would just frizz up. When I tried to straighten it, it would just break and fry. I literally couldn't do a thing with my hair. There really wasn't much else I could do other than wait for it to grow...Wait with my baby roots trying to hold up dead hair. But even then, I could try to straighten it into something that looked semi nice, and hope for the best...
 My impatience seems to have gotten the better of me...

But I think there is more to it than that.... because I've been feeling for a while that my "pink pixie" was over. I've loved it, and I've loved having colored hair.. But I think it's time for me to go natural for a bit. Back to my roots. I feel like I'm throwing a huge part of myself away, and it's kind of scary.. but in my experience it's the scary things that make us grow.. we just have to face them.
I'm not afraid of what anyone will think of me, or what I will look like, or the things people will say. I'm not too worried on how I look, or if I will get mistaken for a boy. I'm worried about letting that part of myself go.
Cutting hair is often liberating. It sheds energetic layers, and frees you in a way. Hair holds onto energy, and cutting and releasing it helps release you.

And now my dear readers... I don't think I've been completely honest with you recently. Because you see, I've been going through my own shedding of layers in these past few months. I've felt an itch and a tug like when clothes  are too tight, or even when they are too big. Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.. It's been a long time since I've felt like I'm looked like myself. I've been shying away from photos, or not instigating them. For those who have read this blog, it's usually pretty picture heavy, and most often, it's pictures of me. Or at least it used to me. I needed to shed old layers.. and have a rebirth. Because sometimes in order to move forward in life, we have to release things that hold us back.

And because sometimes you need to start over.
Sometimes you need to see your face. like for reals. with no hair, no color hiding it.
nothing... but rawness.
Sometimes you just need a rebirth.




And sometimes during that rebirth, it's okay to laugh historically at yourself and ask "Am I crazy? What am I doing?! What have I done??" Only to hear your own inner voice hush you and say "trust."

And today I woke up, and rubbed my fuzzy head in remembrance of what I did last night. 

I got up out of bed, put on my clothes, and took the dogs for a walk. And I smiled at those I passed, and I talked to whom I wanted to, and skipped about with the pups. By the time I got home I realized, I had no make up on, and no hair. Absolutely no mask on whats over. And those kind folks who waved and said hi said hi to the authentic unmasked Rachael. 

And it was scary, revealing and beautiful. All at once.

So welcome to the totally unmasked Rachael. 

And yes, you are free to rub my fuzzy head.

#YOLO 

I'm a Grumpy Girl

I'm so grumpy. The whole last week was "One of Those Weeks." You know, where everything goes wrong. I don't want to list everything, since I think that would bring up some bad memories, but it was a hard week...
The new puppy was causing all sorts of problems. Wicket was the unhappiest I've ever seen him and wouldn't even snuggle me. She was also terrified of Sterling and refused to be around him. We also found out I couldn't keep her at this house because of the lease.. So we had to find her a new home.

Then we had to get the rugs professionally cleaned because she had a lot of accidents.

I found out a new business venture I wanted to do required a windows only platform, so I've been trying to get Parallel's Desktop to run Windows, but it's slowed my computer way down. I haven't been able to use my computer at all since THURSDAY. No orders, no blog posts, no work at all.

Then Saturday, Sterling and I went to get a new screen protector put on our phones.. 3 hours later we need to go back because the person who put them on, put way too much solution on, and gave our phones water damage. He was so sorry and told me to come back on Monday for a refund and new screen protectors, and anything else that needed to be replaced.
So, I went back in today to talk to the manager, and the manager refused to help me. My phone battery will no longer hold a charge, and the screen protector was not staying on. I asked for the replacement parts, and the new screen protector and the refund. This guy yelled at me! He was so rude and inconsiderate. It's such a good thing I went without Sterling... because this guy would have got hit in the face. (Hopefully..)
I ended up calling HIS boss, but I'm still waiting back to hear from him.

This entire week has been nuts. Like beyond just a bad week.. I haven't blogged, or got ANY work done since Thursday..
So, I'm sorry. If you are waiting on orders, I'm doing my very best..
I'm currently trying to answer all emails, conversations and messages.
Get out all open orders.
Work on my sponsorship page
and get a new page for Tarot Readings..

Please be patient. It's been rough.

So rough we spent all night cleaning the house, and did a full on cleansing ceremony.

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Walking The Same Path

It's been roughly six months... but it hasn't been rough.

 Sterling and I have been together for six months now.

We don't have any actual dates to go from... (which we kind of like) 

 but sometime in December we made things official.

We'd known each for about year, but we have been officially dating for 6 months.

Though we don't care too much about the dates, we don't have a certain anniversary, we aren't celebrating any particular day, it's a time to recognize that it's been the best 6 months of my life.

Be prepared for a long cheesy post full of pictures and me being all lovey.

This man is my perfect balance. 

The first person I feel is my equal. 

He is my other half. 

I truly believe that. 

It's like we met one day on the same path, looked each other in the eye, nodded, grabbed hands and kept walking, but this time together. 

I never thought I would make these cheesy posts. 

I never thought I would be this in love. 

We are perfect partners. 

We share the same hopes, dreams, visions, and even thoughts.

He is my date, my running partner and my best friend. 

He sees my darkness, and I see his. 

He sees my light, and I see his. 

We support each other in our true selves and see each other for what's under the being. 

He understands my depression and anxiety. 

He loves me for my past.

And I love him for his.

He's been through a lot, and he is the bravest and strongest person I've ever met. 

And he loves me for my bravery and my strength.

But I finally get to show my weakness, and he can finally show his.

(Don't worry, he doesn't have any.) 

I've never been so comfortable with another individual. 

He is an extension of my heart and soul. 

He is me, and I am him. 

We can't decide if 6 months is long or short. 

It's been fun, it's been exciting, it's been real, and it's been magic. 

Every day is like the first. 

Every day could be our last.

We are like kids in love. 

The Raven And The Wolf - A Valentine's Post

Happy Valentine's Day! 

I figured I would do a cute post about love, but that's about all I've been doing lately! 

So, I figured I would share the "Our Story" page that I have on my menu bar.

The wolf and the raven have a complex but beautiful relationship that is many thousands of years old.

Wolves and ravens have long been connected in folklore and fact. 

The Nordic God Odin is often represented sitting on his throne, surrounded by wolves and ravens. 

Studies show the raven guiding the wolf to prey, and the wolf leaves ample food for the raven. The two animals form bonds and relationships. 

They play together, hunt together and even tease each other. 

 One of my spirit animals is the Wolf, and Sterling's is the Raven. Like the wolf, we center our ceremonies around the moon,

 and each time we include our stone totem animals as a representation of our relationship. 

 Our relationship is similar to to that of the Raven and the Wolf. 

 There is guiding, giving, taking, playing and teasing. Both wanting the other to survive, live and thrive.

 We suspect in a past life we really did play the roles of the raven and the wolf together. 

 We suspect our past lives have coincided together for eternities.

 There is familiarity when we look into each other's eyes.

 Sterling and I met through his sister who is also an artist. He and I met online, and then in person the next day while he was in town. We recognized each other the moment we made eye contact. We each meant to stay and chat for about 15-20 minutes, but our conversation carried on for over 2 hours. It was more than chatting, we spoke of dreams, astral travel, traveling the world, divorce, heartache and happiness. He went back to LA and I stayed in the town we met. We wrote letters and shared late night conversations over the phone for months. We got to know each other over miles and miles of distance which created a strong and powerful connection. We got to know each other through words and feelings. This went on for months and the connection grew.

  Then one night in the winter snow, just before Christmas we were reunited. 
 I ran to him and jumped on him knocking his hat into the snow.
 I know for a fact, that we shared the most epic kiss in the  history of kisses that night. 



Sterling and I are choosing a non conventional Valentine's Day this year.
 We decided no fancy dinners, no flowers, chocolates or roses.
We've both had pretty bad Valentine's experiences, so we are choosing a different way of celebrating.
We are going on a little trip!
We are packing up the car, clothes, art supplies and Mister Wicket,
and heading to Sedona Arizona today to explore some energy vortexes, nature and outdoor goodness.

So, for the next little while... I'll be blogging from the road 

and posting to instagram and twitter. Make sure you are following! 

It's going to be an adventure! 

Instagram Name : Treetalker

Twitter : Talk2thetrees 

Facebook: Talk2thetreesart

A Normal Typical Couple

It's been a very long time since I've been on a "date." 

Like dinner and a movie type date.

 It's been even longer for Sterling, so we decided to try it.

I was barely even awkward! 

Sterling and I have known each other since April, 

and were writing letters and taking on the phone since the fall.

Now that he is in town we are official, and our date last night was our official "first date."

We wanted a date like a normal, regular human couple. 

We started off looking at trailers.

Sterling and I both share the dream of selling all of our stuff and living full time in a trailer.

This is a very important trait that I look for in a person... 

So, we went "shopping." 

We pretended we had 10,000 in our pockets that we were ready to spend.

We asked lots of questions and told the salesman we were sick of society.

We asked about solar panels, and adding wood to the outside.

He raised his eyebrows at us and asked what we would do for income and how we would live.

I think he was secretly jealous. 

 We took tours through a few trailers and actually found that they were quite spacious and comfortable.

It got me really excited. Too excited probably.

I was already thinking about the stuff I'm going to get rid of.

Then Sterling and I went out to eat Thai food.

Since we plan on visiting Thailand one day.

We talked about our dreams of living in a trailer and traveling the country.

How I would decorate the trailer, what kind of truck we would get.

It turns out we share a lot of the same dreams and ideas on this. 

Score.

 

We talked about the typical things couples talk about.

Like making a truck ready for a zombie apocalypse.

Terrorist attacks, and tidal waves.

Using candle light instead of light bulbs. 

72 hour kits and natural disasters.

Paint balling and combat training.

Typical, normal things. 

 

We then went and saw the movie Red Dawn.

Which got us talking even more about normal typical average things. 

Like war, and survival skills.

And we ended the night like a normal typical couple in love.

We looked at Christmas lights and kissed under the trees.

Then he walked me to the door where I slyly asked him in for hot cocoa.

I was going to show him my all natural herbal first aid kit, 

but I forgot.

Silly Faces

Sometimes I make silly faces in the mirror.

Just for fun. 

By Myself

I am by myself.

And I say that with pride.

I'm not meaning I am alone here...

though I do mean that as well..

I am by myself in the sense that

I am by my self.

I stand by myself.

I support myself

I am proud of myself.

I rely on no one, and rarely seek out help or support. 

I am by myself.

Beside my self.

I am myself.

And I am so proud of that.

There is no way I can make anyone happy.

There is no way I can make others proud of me.

Or accept me. 

The only thing that I can do, is make myself happy.

I've been reflecting on myself a lot lately.

Becoming even more self aware and appreciative of my self. 

My own soul. 

The only thing I keep from this world. 

I promise I'm not antisocial

Or anti love.

Or anything like that at all. 

I know there is a perfect person out there for me.

Who stands by themselves too. 

Who will support me in standing by myself.

And I do have high hopes for this mystery boy I've been telling you about.

Sorry to be so vague. 

A little bit of mystery is good. 

Right?