Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Unmasked and Vulnerable .... I Buzzed My Head

I buzzed my head. I really did it. I had thought about the idea before. I always knew at some point in my life, I would shave it or buzz it short. But it really hit me hard a few days ago. Sterling and I were driving somewhere, talking about something I don't even remember, and out of the blue I heard my voice say "I'm going to shave my head." It wasn't a "Should I shave my head?" It was a realization. It was "Wow. I'm about to shave my head." By the second time I brought it up to Sterling, he knew it was going to happen.
Let's just take a moment to look at that handsome supportive Sterling. Isn't he just the greatest? He helped me buzz the back where I couldn't see. 

 I had been trying to grow my hair out a little bit longer, and healthier. I miss my brown hair, my curls, or even just having shine. I missed running my fingers through my hair without breaking the ends. I've had bleached hair for quite some time now. Even when I went back to brunette a few years ago, I never let that bleach fully grow it before I just re-bleached it.
Bleaching and dying had gotten to be too time consuming... to tedious... too painful even.
I had noticed while combing through my hair, pieces would break off and fall. When my hair would dry naturally, it would just frizz up. When I tried to straighten it, it would just break and fry. I literally couldn't do a thing with my hair. There really wasn't much else I could do other than wait for it to grow...Wait with my baby roots trying to hold up dead hair. But even then, I could try to straighten it into something that looked semi nice, and hope for the best...
 My impatience seems to have gotten the better of me...

But I think there is more to it than that.... because I've been feeling for a while that my "pink pixie" was over. I've loved it, and I've loved having colored hair.. But I think it's time for me to go natural for a bit. Back to my roots. I feel like I'm throwing a huge part of myself away, and it's kind of scary.. but in my experience it's the scary things that make us grow.. we just have to face them.
I'm not afraid of what anyone will think of me, or what I will look like, or the things people will say. I'm not too worried on how I look, or if I will get mistaken for a boy. I'm worried about letting that part of myself go.
Cutting hair is often liberating. It sheds energetic layers, and frees you in a way. Hair holds onto energy, and cutting and releasing it helps release you.

And now my dear readers... I don't think I've been completely honest with you recently. Because you see, I've been going through my own shedding of layers in these past few months. I've felt an itch and a tug like when clothes  are too tight, or even when they are too big. Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.. It's been a long time since I've felt like I'm looked like myself. I've been shying away from photos, or not instigating them. For those who have read this blog, it's usually pretty picture heavy, and most often, it's pictures of me. Or at least it used to me. I needed to shed old layers.. and have a rebirth. Because sometimes in order to move forward in life, we have to release things that hold us back.

And because sometimes you need to start over.
Sometimes you need to see your face. like for reals. with no hair, no color hiding it.
nothing... but rawness.
Sometimes you just need a rebirth.

And sometimes during that rebirth, it's okay to laugh historically at yourself and ask "Am I crazy? What am I doing?! What have I done??" Only to hear your own inner voice hush you and say "trust."
And today I woke up, and rubbed my fuzzy head in remembrance of what I did last night. 
I got up out of bed, put on my clothes, and took the dogs for a walk. And I smiled at those I passed, and I talked to whom I wanted to, and skipped about with the pups. By the time I got home I realized, I had no make up on, and no hair. Absolutely no mask on whats over. And those kind folks who waved and said hi said hi to the authentic unmasked Rachael. 
And it was scary, revealing and beautiful. All at once.
So welcome to the totally unmasked Rachael. 
And yes, you are free to rub my fuzzy head.



  1. I love this so much! :) You're such an inspiration. I am going to come to one of your classes soon! Which one do you suggest? Prices for all? :)

  2. Girl you are amazing and brave! I don't think I could ever shave my head off. I've actually had nightmares about it! You look amazing and I can tell you seem much more happier!!

  3. Welcome to the girls-with-buzz-cuts club! I know mine's ready for another cut when it's long enough that you can tell what side I slept on ;) zero maintenance is the best!

  4. It looks great on you! I know the feeling of wanting your healthy hair again... Mine is starting to get there after some bleaching. Also, the uncomfortable in your own skin thing is something I am feeling so much and finally trying to do something about.

  5. I know EXACTLY how you feel…I've felt the same way over the past few months. I buzzed my head the beginning of October and I literally love it so much. It's so freeing. I wrote a post about it as well http://www.abbigaylerashae.com/2014/10/buzzcut_8.html
    I'm so proud of you for acting on your thought and buzzing your head! You look absolutely stunning. You look stunning no matter what you do, because of what's inside of you. But you truly are beautiful.

    Love and good vibes,

  6. Congrats! I shaved my head once too. It is liberating and freeing. You look great.

  7. so lovely and badass. i've been thinking about and wanting to shave my head forever, and very seriously for the last few months!! i applaud your unmasked-ness and hope to join your ranks real soon!! :)

  8. i'm at nearly the same point as you with my grown out bleached and formerly pink pixie cut. i want to shave it, but i don't want to sacrifice the length i have, even though i will be cutting it all off within 6-12 months anyway.
    i hide behind my hair. i'm incredibly self conscious of my face and skin and eyebrows and everything else. i shaved it once before, and i want to do it again, but i don't think i have the guts.

  9. Awesome! I love your new look.
    I did the same some years ago and it was really freeing.
    Keep going. Your story is so inspiring.

  10. Incredibly inspiring and looking super gorgeous!

  11. You still look incredibly beautiful!! You could probably pull off any look. I love how happy you look in these photos!

  12. You are so beautiful, and even more than the physical beauty is the inner beauty behind it! I loved this post, and I love your courage!

  13. I love it! You look amazing! For years, my dad has tried to convince me to have dreadlocks and the only thing holding me back has been the fact that I'd have to shave them all off if I decided I needed a change. But you're boosting my confidence!


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