Change

I miss a lot of things.

I think you already know number one on my list... 

I sure miss my little Mowgli.

I still cry every so often over him.

He is still in my dreams.

I still love him.

(I miss taking silly and sweet pictures with him!)

 I miss North Carolina.

Out of all the places I've ever been.. 

Different states, countries, hotels and homes..

North Carolina wins.

 

I miss the beach! 

(Mostly the beaches of North Carolina)

I am actually quite terrified of swimming in the ocean.

I don't like to lay out and get tan.

Why do I miss it then? I don't know. 

I just do.

I miss my blonde and pink hair!

It was lots of fun.. with a lot of up keep.

I like to have my hair look natural.. but I also love some extremities! 

Maybe I'll go back to this again.. at some point.

 I miss taking big cross country road trips.
There is nothing like having the back seat packed,
The front seat shared with a doggie, a camera and knitting supplies,
An ice chest that can barely be found under all the mess of the back seat.
Fruit snacks, energy drinks, string cheese, chocolate bars...
Stopping at little diners for dinner, 
stopping at spooky gas stations for potty breaks.
(Sometimes stopping on the side of the road for potty breaks..(I am not embarrassed!))

I also miss this guy.
This is my kitty cat Tas. 
I've had him since 8th grade!
We found out that he is pretty sick.
He lives with my parents, so I rarely see him.
(He was NOT a fan of Mowgli, so I had to leave him behind.) 
 Let's send little Tas some good thoughts, loves and kitty cat kisses!
(I don't want to loose another furry friend.)


Life changes pretty fast my friends. 
Before you know it...

There are new furry faces to love.
(Yes, boyfriend included.)

There are new beaches to visit.

New beautiful scenery to look at.

New adventures to go on.

New reasons to smile and laugh.

And lots and lots of chances to be happy.

Is there anything in particular you miss?

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 

Don't forget to come back on Monday.. 

For the first of the weekly giveaways! 

Masterpiece

I'm not exactly sure what this post will be about.. I'm not sure what I'm going to type. For some reason my heart feels a little troubled. I'm really not sure why. I guess I'm starting to feel a little trapped. I hate when I feel trapped and dependent on others. I want to live my own life, my way, with my rules. I want to be free. I feel a bit as though I've been knocked off my feet and I'm still trying to stand up.

I often find myself daydreaming about the future when I have my own apartment and my own car. It's not that I don't like living with my family. I just need that feeling of independence again..

I got pretty good at being on my own.

Now someone says, "But Rachael, you were married.. you weren't alone."

And I respond, "You have no idea..."

And sometimes I wish I could fast forward time a bit.. to where I have plenty of money and my own little apartment. Fast forwarding time would cut out a lot of this suffering, worry and stress..

But then I think of all the lessons I'm learning, and how this whole ordeal is actually making me a stronger, better person.. even though I can't see it right now.

So I turn off my bedside lamp and snuggle up with my puppy.. I hide under the covers while looking through my phone at saved texts, and sweet pictures until I drift off to sleep. 

Because tomorrow is another day.

Another sunset,

an X on a calender,

a piece to a puzzle,

and a brushstroke to a painting.

And after everything, every tragedy, heartbreak, tear, and sleepless night... 

I will make my life a masterpiece.

Timing

Sunsets always remind me of new beginnings.

Sometimes days are hard.. but the beautiful sunset always signals that another day will come...

A new day with new surprises and new lessons to be learned.

Life keeps going and it can be so beautiful.

Days can be hard and times can be sad, but beauty can still be found wherever we look. 

We have the ability to shape our lives through our attitude. 

We can take a terrible situation and turn it into a lesson,

something that will make us stronger, smarter and more aware. 

By turning a negative situation into a positive one we can make our lives beautiful. 

We always have the choice to be happy.

I think a lot of things in life have to do with timing.. 

timing we can't necessarily control.. but are still a part of. 

It's beautiful how one second, one minute, and one hour

can make all the difference in the world. 

Tiny moments may not change the whole world for everyone, 

but they will change someone's world. 

Moments like watching the sunset, 

holding hands, 

or listening to beautiful music in the car 

while looking at the city lights

with someone you care about,

those moments may seem small.. 

but it's the small things that build up life. 

Being in tune with yourself,

and the universe 

and all the tiny signs around you

will put you in the right place for the right time... 

Where you will enter someone's life,

or have them enter yours at what seems to be the perfect time,

for just the right reason.

Just the thing you needed.

And that instant.. 

all those tiny moments in your life are like bricks

upon which your whole life has been built. 

Like the words of a story 

or the notes in a song, 

or brushstrokes of a painting, 

You realize how beautiful life truly is.

Keeping Busy, Part 1

I have been keeping myself very busy. I don't like to stay in the house all day... so I've been busy playing with friends, and making new things for the shop! I have just added some new hats, and 3 new necklaces to the shop. These items are going to be one of a kind and I won't make them again once they are sold... So they are first come first serve, you snooze you loose sort of a thing.. but let me honest, I might be able to be bribed.. I mean, come on.
(Insert smiley face) 

I'm in a bit of a weird mood. I was up late last night, and I worked all day today, filling orders, putting together new necklaces, taking photos, editing photos, cleaning the house and then listing. 
It's been a crazy busy day. But it needed to happen.

p.s. The two olive green hats are different from each other. One is a bit larger in the back.

These can all be found here!

It's been a really long time since I have added anything to any of my shops.. I forgot how good it felt. It feels real good. Tomorrow I hope to post even more! But for now.. this tired girl must sleep.

p.s. 

My little brother was writing a paper for school and wanted to know what to do to make it long enough. I told him to change his font to Courier New. Suddenly his paper was about 2 pages longer. 

Sister of the year award? Yes please.  

The Awakening

Another beautiful article I stumbled upon months ago.. This one truly changed my life.. or made me realize that it was okay for my life to change in the way it was changing. I know it is a bit of a long read.. but it is totally worth it.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - by Sonny Carroll

Read Article Here

I promise I will get back to blogging my own words.. I've been a bit busy lately. Playing with new friends.. making new hats and making new art. Life is beautiful.

Today was a miserable day. I was incredibly lonely and feeling just terrible. I had to go through a lot of my old things, look through old pictures and relive a few memories. It was very hard. I'm feeling just a little bit broken and my heart is very heavy. I got home and I cleaned. I hate cleaning. I only do it when I'm upset.. I cleaned the whole house and even my bedroom. That is something, you know.. I am a pretty messy person when it comes to my bedroom.  Then I painted. I didn't paint much but it was good. I haven't painted since November. Then as I painted I remembered one of my favorite quotes. 

I love this quote.. but I can't decide if it is meant to be a happy quote or a sad quote.. I guess that just depends on the day.

Tomorrow is a new day..

I'm hoping it will be better.

Realization

It just dawned on me.. like an awakening of sorts.. People will always be disappointed in you. You can't please everyone.. You can give it your all, you can do everything someone asks of you, and more.. but they can still find a reason to be disappointed.
I think I have always known this deep down, but have just come to accept it... because I have tried many times to make someone happy. I tried to be the person they want me to be, and I still fall short. I guess when it comes down to it, it is the other person's fault... Maybe they expect too much, maybe they are selfish.
Maybe I am just a little hurt and I am ranting...

As much as I like to make people happy.. the best thing I can do is do my best, and if all else fails.. at least I know I did my share, and I tried my best. If I still fail to please I will still manage to be happy.

Source

Thoughts, Plans and Worries

I cut my hair today, just a little trim. I try and do that once a month, for some reason my hair grows so fast lately. When it was long, it grew at a snails pace. Maybe that's just how it goes... when you want short hair, it grows super fast. When you want long hair it grows really slow.

So today I took a pair of scissors and started chopping. Cutting my hair is therapeutic for me.. I'm not sure why. There is just nothing like changing my hair. I used to dye it and bleach it a lot.. but for now I am content with keeping it short. Even though short hair is not ideal for the cold winters of Utah..

Utah has the most beautiful sunsets around.. It's true. But sadly, I don't plan on living in Utah all my life. I'm hoping to move back to North Carolina in the next couple of years... I just felt so wonderful there. I cried when I left, almost like I was leaving a piece of me behind there. A piece that I found in North Carolina, and then had to leave. North Carolina was where I learned to knit, crochet and where I started painting again. I get excited every time I hear the word North Carolina, or when I send a hat there. It is silly.. but I will go back.
I have a plan to get there... First it includes me getting out of debt, and getting a car and saving up and saving up until I can move there. I'm hoping to accomplish this all within the year. Oh how I would love to be in North Carolina for the New Year. After all, they have an Acorn Drop instead of New York's Ball Drop.
It is strange living at home again. I moved out when I was 18, and now I'm back 4 years later. I feel like I am upsetting everyone's natural order... So I am hoping to get into a small apartment before I move to NC.
Thoughts of the future stress me out a little bit. I know what kind of life I want to live.. but it's the small steps to get there that scare me. Sadly the small steps include making, paying or saving money. I don't like that idea.. but I can not live with my parents forever.
Though I am truly grateful to them..
Since I have been home I have discovered I am allergic to gluten. I used to get migraines and headaches daily.. When I talked to my mom about it, she mentioned gluten gave her headaches, and same with my brother. So I went off gluten for about 2 weeks and was headache free! It was amazing, then one day I got a little piece of bread, and BAM!  Headache was back. So I have been staying away from gluten.

My mom makes delicious gluten free bread. I plan to share the recipe someday soon. Being gluten free definitely has it's downs though. I can no longer grab top ramen or pizza if I am hungry. I can't go get burgers or chicken nuggets. I can't even make a sandwich without making the bread first. Sadly when I feel like a snack, I eat a salad or rice crackers.
I no longer get headaches or migraines, but I noticed one day, my bra no longer stays on.. and my pants kept falling down. I weighed myself and noticed I had lost 14 pounds since starting this gluten free diet. I have always been a skinny girl, but I now I am a bit worried... since I never thought I would weigh this much after hitting puberty.

And so I have been stressing about that on top of all the money, living, and car stresses. I knew it would be hard when I left. I knew I would have to take it one step at a time. I knew it would get harder before it got easier. I left a pretty good financial situation, and a life where I probably wouldn't have to work much for the rest of my life. I knew that I was giving that up, where I would have to live with my parents again, and save up and work work work.

At least I know, everything will be alright. Late at night when I am all stressed out from making hats, paying bills and being divorced at age 22.. I snuggle up next to my little puppy and think about how lucky I am. I have some amazing people in my life who make me a happy girl. I am lucky because I get to make hats and art all day.. I am lucky to not need a regular job, and I hope to never need one again. Thoughts like these pass through my mind and I take a deep breath and I know, Everything will be alright. Money doesn't define me. Marital status doesn't define me. A job doesn't define me and neither does school.

Right now I'm just Rachael. And that is enough.