Friday, February 18, 2011

Masterpiece

I'm not exactly sure what this post will be about.. I'm not sure what I'm going to type. For some reason my heart feels a little troubled. I'm really not sure why. I guess I'm starting to feel a little trapped. I hate when I feel trapped and dependent on others. I want to live my own life, my way, with my rules. I want to be free. I feel a bit as though I've been knocked off my feet and I'm still trying to stand up.
I often find myself daydreaming about the future when I have my own apartment and my own car. It's not that I don't like living with my family. I just need that feeling of independence again..
I got pretty good at being on my own.
Now someone says, "But Rachael, you were married.. you weren't alone."
And I respond, "You have no idea..."
And sometimes I wish I could fast forward time a bit.. to where I have plenty of money and my own little apartment. Fast forwarding time would cut out a lot of this suffering, worry and stress..

But then I think of all the lessons I'm learning, and how this whole ordeal is actually making me a stronger, better person.. even though I can't see it right now.
So I turn off my bedside lamp and snuggle up with my puppy.. I hide under the covers while looking through my phone at saved texts, and sweet pictures until I drift off to sleep. 

Because tomorrow is another day.

Another sunset,
an X on a calender,
a piece to a puzzle,
and a brushstroke to a painting.

And after everything, every tragedy, heartbreak, tear, and sleepless night... 
I will make my life a masterpiece.

8 comments:

  1. ...and a masterpiece it shall be ♥

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  2. Good job hun! It's hard to see past the dust on the windows, but keep looking ahead, and know that one day, everything will be clear, and ready for you to make your way!

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  3. this made me tear up. what a beautiful way of looking at your journey.

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  4. Thank you for the beautiful post! I have been feeling the same way for several months now. I sit in my room and feel like a total failure in my life and wish that I had done things another way. The my little puddin pie (my cat) comes over and gives me cuddles and I know that life is really not that bad. Thank you for reminding me that it is the lessons we learn in these times that make us a better person. Keep up the awesome work <3

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  5. hang in there. sooner than you think things will fall into place. in the meantime its the little things. do something cute everyday, no matter how simple it is. make sure you laugh and smile too. a warm hug to you,
    hollie

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  6. This is such a beautiful post. Thanks for writing - I know for sure that your life will be the masterpiece you want. :)

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