Play Time and Transformation

Lately my "play time" has been the most productive part of being an artist. Who knew so much transformation could take place over one weekend. Especially since I technically took this weekend off! 

I decided to take this last weekend off from the structured illustrations and cards I've been doing and instead, play in the studio. I even said it wasn't work.. and I really mean that! I DO have a hard time relaxing because I love to stay busy... but I took this weekend off from my current work demands, and gave into my creative and intuitive side. 

I recently signed up for Mindy's E-course Permission To Play. It's a 12 month art course on loosening up and learning to play while making art! I thought it would be great to do on the weekends as a way for me to stay creative and learn a few new techniques. I've always wanted to add a little more "play" into my artwork, and I saw the class the day before sign-ups ended so I jumped right in! So far I've done a bout 3 of the projects and I've already felt myself loosen up so much.. but what's more, is I'm really liking the new work that is coming from me! 

Most of my work is planned out, with reference photos, sketches and a good idea of what I hope to see as the finished piece. But for the last year or so, I've been wanting less structure and restriction in my work. I look at old work and see boxes, structure and plans... So I have decided to play more, leave mistakes, and let things transform. I try to go in with an open mind and no real expectations of what the end piece will look like. 

I've been focusing on creating more intuitively. To express with color and brush stroke, rather than details and stories. I want to paint moments of emotion, and the colors of thought. 

I've learned a lot about myself in these last few years. I have had a lot of self discoveries, and an acceptance of traits that I've been suppressing..  Like how I'm a total clean freak! I love my closet to be arranged by color. And I pay very close attention to details. Accepting these traits and using them has really enhanced my well being.. but I've always felt that when I create, I would like to feel less in control of every detail. I want my work to be expressive. 

I love illustrating, and I love painting portraits, but I there is something wild inside me that makes me want to loosen up and just express myself. An urge to go with the flow, and watch something transform in front of me. 

I love hidden symbols within my paintings and illustrations. When I plan paintings, I like to hide the symbols.. but when I go in with no real plan, I end up finding symbols.

Many of my Tarot Cards and illustrations are carefully planned and detailed. I love hidden symbology and meanings. I do so much research on my symbols and meanings. Many of my cards are meditated on or seen in a vision. I will have the meaning of the card in mind, or the emotion I would like to convey, then I meditate on it or sleep on it, and pretty soon I will have a vision of that card. 

But finding symbols and meanings within splatters, textures and and colors is not only eye opening, but soul opening.  Finding faces hidden in splatters and movements is intriguing. I could get lost in outlining hidden eyes, uncovering trees and cathedrals, unearthing words and moments. Then Finally to take a step back and find the meaning that my subconscious wanted to express. Not just for me, but for the viewer. 

When I finished "Find Your Voice," (pictured to the left) we looked over the completed painting and searched for the possible meanings.. I was asked questions over the story and meaning within the painting.

Is she sad? Why is she touching her throat? Is she turning from the church? Are they mourning? Why the butterfly? Is she happy? Is the woman being comforted? Restricted? 

And I really have no answer for anyone about the meaning of this piece, other than to ask what does it mean to you?  I can tell you the meaning to me is profound, personal and relieving. I finished it and took a step back and said "Ohhh!" in realization.. "Well, I'm glad that came out." as I felt an odd weight be lifted from my shoulders.

I feel a sense of relief and empowerment when I look at it. But that's only how I feel when I look at it. Sterling said it felt political and rebellious, but others have said peaceful and happy. And I think because it was an intuitive painting, it's up to the viewers intuition and initial emotions when they see it. 

What's interesting is that this came from a time of "play." Where I had no real structure or rules to follow. No worries, stresses or problems... Only the urge to express myself, and follow my intuition. To take a step back and let my higher self paint for a bit. 

 Here is the new painting I'm working on. This one was supposed to be a paper-hearts Valentine's themed painting, but I was a little bit behind. So instead of painting something Valentine's Day themed, I chose to paint the conjunction between the moon, Mars and Venus this last weekend. 

I took a photograph on Instagram  and was inspired to use that shot as part of my background. I also happened to be listening to Radical Face while painting, and the perfect words spoke to me.

 "And I spent my evenings pulling stars out from the sky. 

And I'd arrange them on the lawn where I would lie.

 And in the wind I'd taste the dreams of distant lives." 

I still have a bit more to finish with this one.. so stay tuned to see the end result! I'm very excited about it and the direction it's going. 

My soul is loving this new process of creation. 

Making the decision to take Mindy's Course has been such a good one.. and I'm only one month in! I can't wait to keep learning, and continue to transform. 

Through The Woods

It feels like it has been ages since my Etsy shop has had more than 3 pages of listings. I spent a lot time of last week photographing and editing my new work. I set up huge lights, that heated up my house. I tripped over cords, and made inventories and lists. I sealed all paintings in varnish and documented their size and medium. Then on Sunday and Monday I listed everything in the shop! 

I listed several months worth of work that I had forgotten I had! It's crazy how much work was piled up.  So, please check out my shop update! I listed more than 20 new prints and paintings! 


Since there are so many new paintings that I've forgotten to mention.. I'm going to be back tracking a bit and featuring some of these new paintings on the blog. I feel there is energy in art, and I would love to explain some of the energy that was poured into my newest work. I wanted to start with one called "Through The Woods." 

Through The Trees

Acrylic on Canvas 24x48 inches

This painting was one of the first paintings that I've liked in a long time (if ever). I finished it, took a step back and said "I think I may actually like this one!" Like many paintings, it started off to be something totally different. This canvas is 24x48 inches, so it's pretty big. I had it set up on my easel, and stood on my chair to paint the top part. I wasn't entirely sure where I wanted to take this painting. I started off by just painting black, grey and white in any direction I felt right. I picked it up, turned it around, splattered, dripped, shoot, and flipped the canvas. I spent several hours just splashing and dripping paint onto this canvas. Then, I walked away. I forgot about it for months. Several other projects came up, and this one was moved to the back burner. I couldn't figure out just what I wanted to paint.. so I let it sit. Many months later, I was wondering what to paint. I looked through my canvases that were ready for a painting, and I saw this one. I looked at it, and I saw trees!

 I had looked at that canvas for months! In the back of my mind, always wondering what to paint on it. And only until that day did I see the fragments of aspen trees falling in and out of place. I'm so glad I hung onto this half done painting for so long. 

The process of this painting has been my favorite so far.  Free, intuitive painting, playing, splattering and dripping, and then attention to detail, and systematic painting of bark and knots.  

I've decided to sell the large original. I'm not sure how I will ship a 4 foot painting, but I'm sure it can be done. I also have prints of this one available in the shop! The prints are a little bit cropped so they will fit in an 8x10 frame. Below is a sample of the cropping of the print version. 

Through The Woods 

8x10 Print

Swept Up

I've used this week for some major preparation. I've taken apart, and rebuilt my studio several times. I searched for all artwork that has yet to be photographed or scanned. I set up huge bright lights and photographed all art that I found. I made lists, inventories, descriptions and I've taken down sizes. I've let a lot of artwork pile up and I'm excited to finally have everything listed in the shop on Monday! 

I haven't been posting too much here on the blog while I've been so busy. 

I've really let myself get swept up with my work.. and I love it. 

Magic Is Brewing In The Studio

I've got a lot of new things brewing in the studio lately. Lots of exciting news and announcements will be coming in these next few weeks. A lot of collaboration pieces will soon be finished and published. My Tarot Deck will soon be available for pre-order and a lot of new paintings are on their way. I'm totally overwhelmed, and completely inspired. 

I was hit with an awesome opportunity that correlates with the dates on all the things listed above.. 

This February is going to be huge. 

But until then... I'm going to be locked away in the studio getting stuff done. 

Deadlines are so inspiring for me. 

I know last week I posted how I want to go about the deck slowly, and take my time, be inspired. 

But after getting a few more cards done, I looked through the sketchbook and realized, I'm way more than half way done! I have two more suits to complete and then some digital work to do. (My style has changed quite a bit from the first card to the ones I'm working on now!) So a lot of the Major Arcana are getting new faces, and I'm even redoing some of the cards completely. 

But, I really don't have that much left to do. 

So, in a month or so I will announce the preorder for the deck! 

I've decided to buckle down and finish a certain amount of cards per week. I feel it's a reasonable deadline.. just enough of a deadline to keep me inspired, but also comfortable. 

Last night I was chatting to Jenica about all the things I had on my pate.. And as Sterling and I drove back from Sacred City I had all of the things on my to-do list floating around my head causing all sorts of stress. We got inside the warm house and I immediately grabbed my book and made some coffee and took a nice long relaxing bath. Because I refuse to over work myself this time. I refuse to stress to where I get sick. If I'm going to stress out for the next 2 months, than I will most likely be sick for the 2 months after. 

I made a pledge to myself as I took on all this work.. I'm going to keep up on my meditation, bath time, and eat good foods throughout the day. 

I'm excited to finish these projects and offer them out into the world. 

Within the next month or so I will be announcing big news and the pre-orders for the Tarot Deck.

I'll probably use indie go-go rather than kick-starter. 

Does anyone have any suggestions? 

Cause I haven't thought that far ahead. 

I'm also writing a quick guide book for the deck.. 

Anyone have suggestions on how to print small booklets? 

I need a bit of help in these departments, and don't have too much time to even look into them yet. So if anyone out there has experience, I would love to hear it. 

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A New Feeling of Nostalgia

I'm not a nostalgic person. Sure I miss people, and some things, and pets who have crossed. But I'm not that sentimental or nostalgic. Sterling has this box of memories.. he keeps it in his closet to go through some days, but can't seem to throw anything away from it. He goes through it reliving the memories and showing me old photos and tokens he has kept. I of course will never make him throw any of this away, and I sit and listen to his stories from it.. But I don't have this box. I have nothings from my childhood or pictures for that matter. It hasn't bothered me too much.
It's made life easy to not be nostalgic. I keep the house clutter free and am a fast packer. I throw things away easily and don't miss them. There is no right or wrong way to be. I can count on Sterling to hold onto the important things in his box.
But lately I've been feeling this weird sense of nostalgia. I got onto my facebook page and scrolled through my own photos. I noticed I used to go on adventures and take photos very often. It's true I've been working a lot since I moved, and before I moved I was also busy.. but boy do I need to find the time to fulfill this sense of adventure and keep posting photography. I've missed it soooo much. Looking at the photos today brought me back to a time I felt very clear, refreshed, happy and at peace. Those feelings of nostalgia were tied to being out in nature, taking photographs. It didn't matter if it was cold or hot. I still got out once a week. I carried my big SLR with me everywhere and used it all the time. I didn't rely on iphone photos like I do now.... so something has got to change.
Here are some of the photos that brought back this new sense of nostalgia...

I've also noticed an increasing desire to dye my hair to it's natural brown color. This makes me so nervous. That's a bold color for me! I've had pink, white, purple, teal, hot pink, lavender, and blue hair for the past two years. And I've loved it! But this last month I've been looking at myself, and it no longer feels right. I have a sense of nostalgia for my natural hair. My natural hair is curly, wavy and brown. It's usually a lighter mousy brown but I enjoy putting a darker wash in it. I've really missed this. I think I started to notice this desire for my natural hair the other day when I was brushing my purple hair. I noticed little pieces of the ends falling off. Not being able to handle the harsh chemicals any longer. I use so many deep conditioners and try to treat my hair very well for all the processing it's been going through, but it just can't keep up!

And I'm scared. I'm scared because I've had this look for so long.. what if I'm only liked because of my pink hair? What if no one will ever notice me again?? (Leo moon speaking here...) Like these things are actually scaring me! I know they shouldn't... but this is a big change for me! Sterling tells me I will look beautiful no matter what, but I'm nervous that's just boyfriend talk.

Anyways.. I'm feeling very called to go back to this natural color..  so I'm going to follow it. As well as bring my camera with me wherever I go like I used to. Capturing moments, landscapes and memories. Because this year FLEW by. And I only have a few good pictures of it.

And if you are wondering why I have been so distant lately... I haven't really been distant. I've been glued to photoshop stitching together the Tree Talker Tarot deck. It's consumed my entire week.
Each card will have a small border, but they will also match up into a story for each suit. It was a small idea I had at the time, and WOW has it been tricky to do.

I've been invited to go to a theme park tonight by my little sister and her husband.. so I will be closing the computer, and picking up the camera to start following this sense of nostalgia. Let's see where this takes me.



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Tree Talker Tarot Update

Yes! The Tarot Deck is still happening! I've been soooo caught up with moving, teaching, readings.. the list goes on. Story of my life this last month am I right?! It seems every post starts off this way and I'm sorry. But I really am working on this here Tarot Deck. It's taken way longer than I thought it would.. which of course is also what I've been saying on the blog. I hit a block with the Court Cards of the Wands.

Obviously it was a block to creativity, especially because that's what the Suit of Wands represents. I drew out the Page of Wands, then decided to start over, then threw out the second try, and started a third one... half way through the third one I went back to finish the first one.
It took several weeks to get to the point of being okay with that card. I may even try a fourth time! But I decided to move on to The Knight of Wands and The Queen of Wands.

Here are some really rough photos from my sketchbook.. There is still so much to do on them! But I thought I would do an update on the project and let everyone know.. it's still happening!

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Controlled Chaos

Last week I pulled an all nighter to finish this painting for the LTD Art Gallery.  The painting will be featured in the Fantasy in the City Show in Seattle. It opens in a few days, and I was kind of putting off working on the painting for way too long. So, I pulled an all nighter to finish it, because the next day or so, I had to ship it! I was pretty stressed, and when it came to framing it and filling out forms I came up with the first name I could think of. "Controlled Chaos." I felt like a cliche artist at that point... Hair was a mess from no sleep, paint all over me, stressed, frazzled and I had to come up with a name. So I picked a pretty cliche style name for the painting, but it seriously fits! 

The stars are done in a chaotic fashion. I love painting galaxies. Each little star is painted on, but in no order. I get to kind of go crazy with the stars. It's fun, and turns out beautifully chaotic. But those little city lights? They had to be roughly the same size, distanced equally, and very controlled. But, when looking at it, it looks rather chaotic. 

As cliche as the name is, it fits.

In the last post, I mentioned how I bought myself new paint.. In college I was using a slightly cheaper brand, and never really evolved to a more professional brand. I know that the materials don't make the artist, like the oven or stove doesn't make a chef, or the camera doesn't make a photographer... but it certainly helps.
I decided to upgrade my paint, painting station, and even my art boxes. I store all of my painting gear in vintage or antique boxes so when they are closed they still match my house. (I'm a genius, I know.)
Upgrading my paint has been fun, because in life upgrades happen that mark a new chapter in life.. Sometimes it comes in the form of a better working car, or a bigger house... for me, this new chapter is coming from new paint, mediums, and brushes.
I can't wait to get to know this paint more, but as I stated yesterday.. I'm trying to get back to that Tarot Deck of mine! (And a few other special projects)
Coincidentally, the card I'm working on is the 4 of Wands. New chapters, celebrations, gifts, good news, and abundance especially of the creative nature. The card for balance, harmony and completion.

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