Solitaire

I'm playing a game of solitaire right now. 

My relationship has been set to single for a while now.

And I must say, I'm doing well. 

 I don't want to be the type who goes from relationship to relationship. 

I want to be the type who can stand on their own two feet.

I want to be strong with myself.

For myself.

Because in the end, that will only help my future relationship.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm single, not looking, and quite happy.

I don't feel like I need to rush. 

If something is bound to happen, it will happen.

 In the right time, with the right person, for the right reasons.

 

There are definitely bad days where I wish I could have someone hold me and tell me things will be alright.

When things get tough, the only person I have is myself. 

Which isn't actually a problem, because I can trust myself more than I can trust anyone else in this world.

And, if anyone is going to make things alright, it will be me. 

I've been alone before. 

And like I've said many times, alone doesn't mean lonely. 

I've also been extremely picky with who I've let around me.

I've been on a few dates, and I've asked to be taken home early because I was treated poorly.

I've kicked boys out of my house for being rude to me. 

I've flat out turned people down, without tact.

I've let people know I'm not looking for a relationship,

then about ripped heads off when they said they just wanted me physically.

Like I said, I'm not rushing things. 

I'm focusing on me, and my work, and my life.

The perfect guy will fit in perfectly.  

 

 And right now, that perfect guy happens to be Wicket.

Though I will tell you guys a secret... 

 I've got a crush on a certain boy. 

He lives far away. 

We write letters.

And currently, that's exactly what I need,

Hopefully Mystery Boy won't look at this.

Awkward. 

 

Life

This is something I have not really talked about here. It's been a few months, and I am ready to talk about it with you guys... Some of you may not know, and some of you probably only know a little bit of what has been going on.

I'm Rachael, I'm 22, and I just got divorced.  I married young, I was just barely 20 when I got married... If you look through my old posts you will see posts of me and my ex together. I don't believe in deleting them, so feel free to look.

Where I live (Utah), divorce is pretty frowned upon. I'm not really a supporter in divorce myself. I believe in love and marriage.

(Though I'm not in any rush to get married again.. believe me.) 

I believe in relationships, and working hard, and fighting through the hard times.

BUT I am also a believer in standing up for yourself, and being treated right.

I gave it my all for nearly two years. I won't go into details, but I was abused physically, and emotionally.. I felt so alone while I should have felt loved. I was ignored. I sat alone not talking to anyone for days while my ex was playing with friends.

I didn't feel that it was right to accept being treated that way, and just keep living my life, day to day being ignored, insulted, and neglected. I wanted to find someone who would treat me right, and if I couldn't find that someone, then I would be fully prepared to live my life alone. (I still am.)

It took a lot of strength and courage to come to my decision to leave. No one really truly understands how hard it is unless you have been through it... and I know some of you readers have been through this.

I was living in Memphis when I made my decision. I didn't have much money, I didn't even have a car. I had to rent a car, pack everything up and drive back home to Utah. Alone. I was terrified, and I felt so little and all alone...What would life be like? Moving back to my old town, seeing the people who gave me wedding gifts. Seeing the people who told me marriage was a bad idea.. admitting I was wrong. It would be very embarrassing, but I was determined to change my life. I realized that I was missing out on someone who would care about me. After all... No one really gets sick of loving. People get sick of being neglected and ignored and insulted by someone they love.

Sometimes, life feels like it's shattering around you.. everything is falling apart. I choose to give my life to someone. I planned on staying with this person forever, having kids and growing old together. And then next thing I knew, everything was falling apart.

But I felt hopeful.

Because you always have a choice.

I could have chosen to hate love, hate life and hate everything. I could have locked myself up in the house for days and days. I could have given up. But I didn't, and I won't.

Life is still beautiful, and people are still beautiful.  

Love is still beautiful.

Life is as good as you want it to be. 

And after everything that happened, and everything I've been through, and will go through...

Life will be beautiful.

 (Source)

Vlog Number 2

Vlog Number 1

My first ever "vlog".. Yes, I say introductory wrong, twice. (in·tro·duc·to·ry) I got a new little video camera and felt like playing around with it.
Try not to make fun of me too much.. I might post little videos like this every so often.

Hair History. (Embarrassing)

I haven't always had a pixie cut. 

In fact I had long and crazy hair until my senior year of high school.

 This was back when I was part cat/cheetah... 2nd grade maybe?

In highschool I had quite the mane of hair. (I really didn't brush it.)

I can't find any good pictures of that.. but it looked similar to the above picture.

In the middle of my senior year I cut all of my hair off. 

I can't say exactly what brought me to do such a thing, but I'm glad I did.

 I loved having short hair. Nobody could convince me to grow it back out.

(Believe me they tried)

 I was told some other pretty awful things, I was told I looked like a little boy.

But I felt myself, and there is nothing wrong with feeling like yourself.

I told myself I would only grow it out if the right boy asked me to.

Then I met Taylor

I met Taylor while I was in college.

We fell in love and he asked me to grow it out. 

People do crazy things when they are in love.. right?

So I grew it out. I didn't like it, but I did it for Taylor.

(I'm not choking my kitty.. promise. and yeah.. we are wearing matching Peter Pan hats. Sweeet.)

After a two years of growing it out and dating, we got married. 

Growing your hair out is borrrring. I gave myself highlights, bangs, braids, I dyed it, and I even bleached all my hair.

I got so sick of it being long, but Taylor didn't want me to cut it! 

I got pretty frustrated.. 

So after being married for a year, I tried to perm parts of my hair.

 Then my hair fell out. 

I was panicking, and crying a little bit.. but I was actually excited. 

So I cut my hair off again.

Then I looked in the mirror and thought,

"Oh, there you are." 

I've bleached it, dyed parts of it pink, dyed it back to brown, let it get a little longer, cut it real short. 

And I haven't grown it out since. 

Taylor keeps asking me when I'm going to grow it back out.

I don't have an answer for him... I love it short.

 

 

And for the days that I want it long..

I think I'm covered.

Nerd Alert!

I'm a little bit of a nerd..

I bet you didn't know that..

I wear glasses!

And I have curly crazy hair. 

(This picture doesn't really show it well.)

I also have a bad habit of biting my lower lip when I'm nervous or upset.. or even bored! 

Look closely.. you can totally tell! 

Any advice on how to quit?!

I'm madly in love with The Beatles.

 (Source)
If I was alive back then.. I would be one of those screaming girls. I know it. I'm sooo not ashamed.

I love boxes! Jewelry boxes,  treasure chests, candy boxes. I love them all!
I even have boxes for my boxes.

I wear this cute thing when I sleep or knit.
Knitting and crocheting so much has really given me wrist problems!
I used to have to wear a brace when I was younger too.

(Via Google)
I love Star Wars. I surprised myself and Taylor with my knowledge about Star Wars.
He thinks I'm a total geek. I don't mind. I'm totally having a Star Wars marathon.. Tonight!

I just love journals. I have oh so many.
I have a journal for ideas, poetry, dreams, recipes, thoughts, sketch books and the list goes on.
I have a journal for everything. I just love them.
(See that top one? That one's been with me since I was 16! It's full of my dreams since then!)

(Via Google) 
I absolutely love musicals. I saw Wicked with my mom on Broadway. We won front row seats!
I used to act and sing when I was younger.
You didn't know that!

 (Via Google)
I have to watch either Mamma Mia or Hairspray once a week, at least.
Not joking.

I love jewelry. I have so much. Natural stones are my favorite. This beautiful aventurine ring is from LoveErica, one of my favorite girls of Etsy. Please go check out her shop and blog.
You will not be disappointed. I promise.

My dad is a Goldsmith so he works with stones and crystals a lot.
I have developed a huge love for them as well as a huge collection.
We used to go to crystal and rock shows together. I don't think he realized just how much I enjoyed that.

This is only tip of the nerd iceberg that I am.

I just love to be silly and goofy.

So.. do you have any nerdy confessions? 

About Me

My name is Rachael Caringella. I'm a mixed media artist currently living in Utah.  Ever since I was little I have been drawn to trees and nature. I have always felt the need to represent that in my art.  Making art brings me back to a childhood of climbing trees, digging in dirt, and building Fairy Houses from stones and twigs. At times it felt like the trees outside my house were my only friends. I would often climb and talk to my favorite apricot tree.

For me, making art is magical.  Each brushstroke is a way down the rabbit hole, each pencil, the key to my secret garden. Transforming a blank piece of paper into a beautiful story is like finding my Neverland. I try to capture a bit of innocence and mystery in each one of my pieces. I love big eyes, vibrant colors, and woodland animals.

I started selling on Etsy because we've been moving around the country for my husband's work, and I haven't been able to find a job that would hire me for a short period of time,  also because my husband refused to buy me more yarn until I found something to do with my ever growing pile of hats and other knitted goods.

For Hats

For Art