Deciding To Look

Somewhere in the dusty archives of this blog, you can find posts, pictures and stories about the walks I took with Mowgli. For those of you who are new here, Mowgli was my pup.. He passed away nearly 4 years ago. My ex-husband, Mowgli and I used to travel around quite a bit. My ex worked a lot, and Mowgli and I had the entire days to ourselves. (Much like my current days with Meko and Wicket.) Home alone... all day to work, play, paint, blog, and write.

 Aside from the ex husband, that was my ideal life! 

Back then, Mowgli and I had daily walks. This is something I've taken for granted.. When I got divorced, and Mowgli passed away I no longer took the daily walks. When I got Wicket I had a large backyard, and every place I lived with Wicket and Meko have had large yards, so I kind of forgot the adventures of taking walks with the pups! At the last place I used to take them on daily evening walks around the block... but that's not exactly what I'm talking about.. 

When you live in an apartment, you have to take several walks. The walks are the potty breaks for the pups, and they need more than just an evening walk. The pups need to go out no matter what. I no longer have the option to let them go outside and play while I stay warm and cozy. 

Each morning, I have to wake up, get fully dressed and take them out on a little walk. Rain, snow, or sun.. We have to go outside on a little walk. Only recently has it reminded me of my days walking around strange new streets with Mowgli. I would bring my camera, he would bring his nose and we would explore our new area together. It was like a daily adventure for us. 

Several short walks and one long adventure, every day. No matter how cold, or hot. 

 After moving to Salt Lake City, I found that I have fallen into the same habit with Meko and Wicket, and we all love it. I am always snapping photos, either with my camera or my phone, and they are always exploring with their little noses. 

When I first thought to move into an apartment my biggest apprehension was the dogs... needing to take them out several times, but now it's one of my favorite parts of the day. 

Something about getting outside and stopping when a dog stops to sniff.. No distractions, but to look around and see the beauty. We never rush our walks. When one pup stops to sniff a pole or a rock, we all stop to take a look around. All of these photos were taken when one pup was conveniently stopping to smell something new. 

Oh the things we see when we decide to look.  

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Update On Anubis and A Big Thank You

I wanted to share a little update on Anubis. 

We haven't noticed too much of a difference with the meds, though I think his fever is down.

I'm working on getting his eyes to stay open and not produce nearly as much slime.

I walked into the bathroom where he was staying and his eyes were stuck shut. 

He meowed to me, (cause I speak cat) and looked around wondering where I was.

It was the funniest and cutest thing, and I'll replicate it on a video blog just for you. 

But I'll pretend to be him. 

I've been wiping his eyes with warm water and putting in his drops religiously. 

He's been taking his antibiotics, but kicked the bottle and knocked it over spilling a little bit. 

I just sat there, mouth wide open, looking at the wasted pink goodness.

I wondered if he would be mad if I scooped it back in.. 

But then I remembered he ate cat food from the floor so I did my best to salvage it.

He still sleeps a lot, and limps around meowing.

He's got another appointment in a few days where we are going to x-ray for his weird limp.

He just leans on things as he walks, I'm not sure if it's a symptom or something different.

I did research online, and everything looked too scary. 

It's weird once you know an animal for even a small amount of time.. 

You just don't want to loose them.

This kitten's favorite thing to do is get kisses and snuggle my face.

And sneeze all over the couch. I don't even care. That's the thing. 

Remember Mowgli? He was my pup who got me through an awful lot of hard ships.

If you've read my blog long, you may remember when he got real sick.

When I cried out on this blog for help..

I had been divorced for 2 months when he fell really sick.

We were going to try for surgery, but I was recently divorced and was in great deals of "divorce debt."

So I asked for help.

Within days I was able to raise some money to help Mowgli, 

but it was too late and that money went into his death and vet bills.

Crushed.

And this time with Anubis, though as far as I can tell he isn't nearly as sick as Mowgli,

(The back legs not working properly does terrify me to my inner core.. 

since that's what happened to Mowgli..)

Anubis coming into my life, and falling ill right as I went through my roommate moving out leaving my bills doubled, has been tough.

I hated to ask for help. I really did. I'm stubborn as can be, and so having that sale was the best thing I could think of, since I wasn't wanting to ask for straight up donations.

Within 2 days I was able to cover the initial vet bills.

I am beyond grateful, and there will be so much extra love into every stitch and print. 

I even had some pretty big donations that left me speechless and in tears. 

Even now, writing this.. I'm crying.

We still have a few vet visits to go, 

but I am feeling so much more confident and less heart broken.

You guys have helped mend a kitty, and a girl with a broken scared heart. 

There aren't enough "thank you's" to express what I am feeling. 

And Anubis feels it too. 

He is seriously the sweetest kitten I've ever met. 

I'm hoping to do a video of him soon.

He's got the biggest eyes. 

I've been seeing a lot of Mowgli Feathers lately. 

When he died I started to see little grey-blue feathers everywhere.

Placed nicely wherever I went. 

His death tore me up.

And seeing his feathers were a blessing.

I saw two today. 

At the paper store buying more paper for the prints I've been selling for Nubi, 

and again placed nicely inside a restaurant as I was talking about him..

Mowgli's still out there, and watching over me and now Anubis.

And so tonight I sat down with my pup and my kitten and I showed them one of the feathers.

I said, "Alright guys, listen up. ONE DAY, not any time soon.. please. Anyways.. ONE DAY you are going to leave me too. I've accepted that. Your lives are probably going to be shorter than mine. It sucks, I know. But one day, you are going to leave me and I'm going to be broken. So, you are going to have to learn from Mowgli and leave me feathers. Now, Wicket, get a good smell, taste the feather, okay, good, yours will need to be brown and black. Okay? That way I know they are yours. And NUBI, smell the feather and taste it, good... Yours are gonna need to be black, maybe with some white tips, so I know they are yours.. okay? But please. Don't leave me any feathers for a long time. Don't leave me. Okay?? Good, now you too better start to get along."

And writing this post seriously left me in tears.

This entire process of sick pets, donations, help and love from my readers brings me back to Mowgli's death, where I feel a lot of that same sadness, like reopening an old wound...

But at the same time, it's so sweet and a great healing experience for both me and Anubis.

I can't thank you all enough. 

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Collecting Feathers

It's that time of year where I'm just a bit sad... 

I lost my pup Mowgli two years ago today. 

And it's still really rough for me. 

Even before Mowgli got sick I called him my "Sunshine."
This dog saved my life.

If you are new to this blog, you may not know..
I used to be depressed, very depressed.
I went through this depression, suicidal thoughts, loneliness
and an abusive marriage with only one thing.
Mowgli.

I called him my sunshine because he really did bring a light into my life.
He helped bring me out of depression.
He gave me a reason to live.
He made me happy when skies were gray...

And two months after my divorce was final, he passed away.

The words "Please don't take my sunshine away"
make me collapse in tears.
Still.

He is no longer here on this physical plane..
But I feel him.
He has shifted roles from a dog to a guiding angel.
I know this because I can still feel him.. and he leaves me feathers when I need them.

And last night I dreamed I was collecting his feathers.
The little blue-grey ones.. that match his blue-grey coat.

I miss him terribly, the way a best friend misses a best friend.
But I feel him.

I stumbled on this image today,

It made me cry and look to Wicket.
The loving timid little Wicket,
who is snuggled up to me,
looking up at me, smacking his lips.
Worried about me.
Loving me.

Because what more can we do?
We've got to just keep loving.


 I'm thankful for Mowgli, and the lessons he taught me, and continues to teach me.
How he taught me love, and be happy.
And he left me so I could love another..

Because it's Wicket's turn to be a dog and receive my unconditional love.

And it's my turn to receive the unconditional love of a dog, and an angel dog.

And I say this through tearful eyes,
I'm a very very lucky girl.

Memories

I painted a portrait of Mowgli last year, and have since been offering custom pet portraits. 

They are a lot of fun, but always make me tear up a bit..

Knowing I'm not the only one who lost a sweet fluffy companion. 

I wanted to share some of the ones I have done since.

 (Mowgli)

These are always bitter sweet to do. 

But, they are some of my favorites. 

If you have a pet you would like to honor, 

check out my listing here! 

A Broken Heart

It's the same dream every time..
I am holding you, walking with you..
I set you down on the ground.
You start to run around.
Every time I'm surprised your legs aren't failing you.

I can't seem to figure out what this dream means.
I know you are trying to tell me something,
and every morning I wake up in tears begging you to try again.

Because this dream makes me feel like I could have saved you.
It makes me feel like I've failed.


It's been a whole entire year since we parted ways on this earthly plane.
And a whole lot longer since I told you I couldn't live without you by my side.

And it looks like I can.. barely.. and I sure don't want to.

I've had a few people tell me I shouldn't still be crying over you.
I've had a few people call me weird.

All I can tell them, is that they didn't know you like I did.
They didn't know how much you helped me. No one really knows.

A soul is a soul.. no matter what body it has.. and yours is truly missed. 

Today is a bitter day for me..
It took a lot to get out of bed...
My whole self hurts.
I caught a cold a few days ago, and I've been determined to cure it with no medication.
My heart hurts from remembering this week last year.
There really isn't any medication or herbs for a broken heart.



But I'm snuggled up to Wicket now, who would have loved Mowgli too. 



I've got to go to my parents for a St. Patrick's Day Party.
I don't think any of them remember this was the day he died.


The last thing I want to do is party.



I've got my own tribute to him later tonight.
I'm not very public about this one, but you can check my twitter updates.

Brighter Days

Today feels like it should be the weekend.
I feel like I should lock myself into my studio and paint.
It's very stormy and cold outside.
Very very dreary.
My favorite, minus the snow.
But even then, it's nice to look at.

This weather is the most inspiring to me.
I could make myself a nice warm drink,
turn on my favorite music,
and paint.

Lately I've been focusing on my Quote Paintings.

I love the whole process.
Layering the canvas with all sorts of things, then picking the quote that I feel would be perfect for it.
The quote that means something to me.

I'm going to try to explain why I choose the quote I did a little bit more often..
So people can understand what it means to me.

I first came across this quote while I was living across the country, and very alone.

I was in a pretty bad relationship, and doing what I could to get the money to travel home. 

One thing I would do to stay positive, was to remind myself, that I was indeed on my way to brighter days. "On My Way To Brighter Days" became almost like a mantra to me.. a reminder to keep going.

This painting includes real vintage lace, antique book pages, tissue paper, 

crackle paint, stucco, paint, love, and so much more.

It's on an 8x10x.5 stretched canvas, and the sides are painted to match the painting,

making it ready to hang. 

Of course, prints will be sold in the shop as well. 

This is the song I always sang to Mowgli. He really was my Sunshine. 

The one who got me through so much. 

It's been nearly a year since he passed away, 

 and tears still sting my eyes at the thought of him. 

I created this painting, with these words, because I'm not the only person who has a Sunshine in their lives. Everyone deserves a little reminder, that they are your Sunshine.. 

or perhaps you need a reminder that you are someones.

This one was done with tissue paper, crackle paint, antique paper, old book pages, and so much love.

Though the original has a very very special meaning to me,

 I am still putting it up for sale, along with prints.

It's on an 8x10x.5 stretched canvas, and the sides are painted to match the painting,

making it ready to hang.

"Even in the darkness, the smallest star will shine." 

This quote has been on my desktop for nearly two years. 

It's one of my favorites. To me, it means that this world can be a nasty place. 

Our lives can be full of hardship and worries.. but inside each of us, 

is the light of a billion stars, and it's up to us to shine.

Our light can inspire others, and light up the whole world. 

Even just a smile on a bad day.

This one was created with vintage books, antique paper, tissue paper, gesso, crackle paint, and like the others.. lots of love.

It's on an 8x10x.5 stretched canvas, and the sides are painted to match the painting,

so it's ready to hang.

 I'm putting the original and prints up for sale in the shop.

I'm hoping to have these three paintings listed by tonight.. 

Something about sharing my favorite quotes, a

nd giving the story, or explanation of why they are my favorite...

just made me so happy.

It gave me quite the warm feeling in my heart.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have even more to show you.

Love That Grows

I got Wicket a few months after my Mowgli passed away,
and it wasn't until just a few months ago that I realized how much I really love my Wickey.
Like, I am in love with this little puppy. Smitten really.

And then I remembered, that the same sort of thing happened with Mowgli.
I think that when a puppy is younger, you love them like a baby, and as they grow you start to love them for the sweet spirit and friend that they are.
You stop seeing them as a dog, or an animal, and you see their soul.

That might sound silly, but I think it's true.

And now that Charlie is with his new family, Wicket has been extremely lovey and playful with us.
He doesn't have Charlie to pal around with anymore, but he has his human family to play with. I think he is discovering how much he likes that.

Wicket will be a whole year old this April.
I will make him a doggie cake, and give him all sorts of toys and goodies.
I will spoil him and give him loves and kisses.
Because that's what you do when you love someone.

What Dogs Can Teach Us

Last week I could tell the dogs were a bit stir crazy.

We decided to load them up in the car and take them up the canyons.

My doggies love adventure just like me,

though this outing was more for them. 

We got to a big open space and let them run and be free.

 I apologize for the above shot.. So does Wicket.

I watched them run and play, and I thought how great would it be to be a dog?!

Dogs can teach us so much.. 

Mowgli taught me to forgive quickly.

One day I was very very mad at Mowgli. 

He wasn't listening to me, or he had just done a bad potty in the house.. 

I don't remember.

But I yelled at him, and he was so sad and scared.

I felt incredibly bad.. I sat down next to him and said, "I'm sorry."

I opened my arms and patter my lap to let him know I still love him.

He immediately perked up his ears, wagged his tail and started licking my face.

I was forgiven, without needing to beg for it.

Wicket teaches me to be a bit more cautious.

He is the scardiest puppy I've ever met. 

The sound of opening a can of soda makes him jump!

He thinks very thoroughly before he acts.

He doesn't dart out places when he is unsure of anything.

I tend to be very spontaneous, I could use a lesson of caution from little Wicket.

Charlie teaches me to not be ashamed of myself. 

Charlie is in the way 98% of the time.

He does weird things, like lick the floors,

make weird gross noises, and even weirder grosser smells.

And when you say, "Oh Charlie... stop licking the floor." 

Or "Charlie! You stink! Go to bed!!" 

He looks at you with almost a smile.. 

and you know he is thinking.. 

"I am who I am!" as he trots off to his bed.

Then I found this little poem, I just had to share.

 If dogs were teachers, you would learn stuff like....

· When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
· Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
· Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
· When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
· Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
· Take naps.
· Stretch before rising.
· Run, romp, and play daily.
· Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
· Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
· On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
· On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
· When you're happy, dance around & wag your entire body.
· No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.
· Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
· Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
· Stop when you have had enough.
· Be loyal.
· Never pretend to be something you're not.
· If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
· When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.