Monday, August 26, 2013

The Warrior Woman

I'm sitting at the kitchen table in my underwear.
 I'm eating yogurt with blueberries, and sipping warm coffee. 
But really, like the cliche beginning to anyone's weekend, summer, vacation, or hiatus,

 I am indeed in my underwear. 

Biggest reason being, my clothes are in the dryer. 
Second reason is of course.. freedom. 

Loosing my job was scary. I now have no definitive source of income. Talk about terrifying.
 I've got bills and debt from my divorce that I'm STILL trying to pay off. 
But, I'm feeling pretty at peace. 

The day I got laid off, I yelled to the sky, "WHY?! WHY?! Why does this KEEP happening?! What am I doing wrong?? WHY?!"
And then I sat and waited. Fully expecting an answer. 
And I  got one. Almost like I was being laughed at. 
My answer was, "because, it's not meant for you! greater things await."

And all weekend I went through cycles of peace then panic then peace then panic. 

And Sterling helped me figure out bills and money. 
If I am able to sell ONE hat a day, or TWO prints a day.. 
or ONE painting a week..

I can make it. 

Put simply like that, it seems totally doable. 
Especially with all the time I have now. 

I have time to blog, paint, and market now. 
Like I used to.. 
but it's truly terrifying. 
Because failure is so real..
But the fear of not trying is even scarier. 

No, I'm not going to sit in my underwear every day.

I still plan on waking up early and going "into work" the same time. 
And I plan to put all of my energy into my work. 
Because if I can sell one hat or two prints, I'm golden. 
I truly believe in the law of attraction. I believe in magnetizing things to us.

I have been asking for more time, and to be less busy and stressed, and that's what I got. 
The most direct way to have more time? Loose the job that's holding me back.
And the universe works in the quickest most direct way possible.

It still hurts though.. The initial shock of being laid off hurts.
 They said it was due to money and budget cuts... 
But I find it odd that a few days earlier I was brought into that same office to talk about my "religion."
 I find it odd that I'm one of the few employees who doesn't share the same religion as everyone else. 
I'm trying not to dwell on how condescending they were.
And how belittled I felt. 

Because I know I am worth more than that. 
I'm worth more than a woman handing me a box of tissues with her fake nails.
Giving me a fake apology, and handing me a pamphlet to a counseling program.
I'm worth more than clocking in and out.
I'm worth more than feeling guilty if I feel sick. 
I'm worth more than that. 
In fact we all are. 

That's why I didn't let this whole thing get me down for too long. 
Because I'm a fighter.
I am a warrior.
And I'll keep at this happiness thing.

No matter what person, or circumstance pushes me into the ground...
I'm not gonna give up. 
And I say this part with tears in my eyes.. because I KNOW things get bad.. 

This weekend I stayed up late painting almost every night until 3 am.
I finished this painting I started. 
Remember Girl In Progress?
She is finished now.
And her new name is The Warrior Woman

And she is powerful. 
A garnet over her third eye, smoke coming from her fingertips, and horns on her helmet... 
She is Power. She is Bold.  She is Brave. She is a Warrior. 

I'm not huge into woman empowerment (mostly cause research and thinking about it makes me ANGRY)..
 but this painting empowers me.
And I hope you can feel it too.
Because we are all Warriors
Too long have Women been degraded, stripped of power, made invisible and silent for centuries. 
That is who we identify with. And that identity is firmly in place even today. 
And that is our challenge.
It's time to get noticed.
It's time to stand up for yourself.
It's time to speak your Truth when needed..
and it's time to hold your head up high. 

We are more powerful than we are brought up to believe. 

We already know the answers to the questions eating away at our souls.
We just need to stop and listen. 
We need to trust in ourselves, quiet our hearts and minds and make bold and brave decisions.
We all have powerful intuition, and we already know the right way to go. 

The right way to go doesn't mean it will be the easiest.
The easiest path has never been the most fruitful..
and only the brave seek only the best fruit. 

I'll be adding larger prints soon I hope! 

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  1. I love that you admit that it is scary, yet you are still so strong! I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction as well, and it looks like this is exactly what you needed! Do what you love! :)

  2. I am baffled as to why they needed to talk about your religion. That is not a conversation that's relevant to most work. Regardless -- though this feels like failure, it isn't really. Failure is giving up. You stay awesome.

  3. This painting is so amazing Rachael. And while it is scary to get laid off, I think that is good for you to get out of what seems like a bad environment full of judgmental people. I hope that you have lots of time to do the things that you enjoy and that the money comes before you even need it. I know that you are a strong woman and people are drawn to you because of that. Something great is waiting for you.

  4. This is really awesome. It is a expression of super creativity. I am appreciating with you.

  5. I am glad you are back and painting. I was already thinking while reading the last post "hey, she was asking for it some months ago". May you be able to make your way outside the normal employment world. I wish so much for you to succeed, Not just for yourself but also a little for all of us. You are a true warrior. And I am happy to hear that Sterling is at your side. During these times it might hard to have a clear thought and he was very clear apparently ;)

  6. Have you ever considered going to an art institute or going to school for art. Not only are you able to polish your skills as an artist, improving them and gaining a greater understanding of many different techniques, but you are also able to gain connections to open up venues to sell your art.

  7. I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure your job is not allowed to call you into the office to discuss your religion, and then a short time later lay you off. Are you in a teacher's union? Does your school district have legal arbitrators? You probably just want to forget the whole thing and move on, but it sounds really suspicious to me.

  8. I've done the math for how much i need to sell in order to scrape by, to survive and to thrive. I hope that some time in the near future, I can use some of my funds, when i hit the "thrive" level, and help you out. I love your artwork, and I would love to have a few of your prints.
    I'm working on rebranding from knit nicole knit to a whole new brand, and it is scaring the hell out of me. When I see you succeeding with your art, it gives me hope.

  9. Such a powerful post, and a good reminder to us all :)

  10. Unfortunately this happens way more then people think in school districts. It happened to me, not with religion, but with my special needs. (I have an audio processing disorder) and basically I was called into the office to discuss why my impairments were effecting my job and then laid off about a month later due to "budget cuts". It is scary, it DOES hurt, and it does put thoughts inside your hear that should not be there.
    You are beautiful like your paintings, your are strong like your brush strokes, and you are better then all of it. Let your creativity and love fuel you and you will be able to do anything!

  11. That is terrible! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Sadly, there isn't anyway to "prove" that it was because of religion or impairments. Ugh. People can be so slimy.
    Thank you so much for your comment! This made me so happy. Thank you!

  12. Yeahhhhh I know! I was so annoyed! They asked me to remove my "protected by witchcraft" bumper sticker too, then laid me off! I wasn't part of a union, and I have no idea about anything legal or anything, and I do just want to move on, BUT my soul is a little sad about it all, because I keep having dreams about my kids! I didn't get to say good bye!!!! It's been so hard. :(

  13. I am hoping to make it outside the employment world! (I like that phrase a lot!!) thanks for this comment Corinna. <3

  14. Thank you!! It is a little bit of a relief to be away from the judgmental people. I can't believe I chose to be pagan in a MORMON community! Thanks again for this comment and your powerful words! :)

  15. Rebranding?! That's exciting! I hope you succeed in your work too! I think everyone should be able to succeed in the work of their choice, instead of needing a day job... That would be the life. And that's the life I'm going for! I think you can make it too!! Let's do this!!

  16. I know! And I worked at a SCHOOL. Separation of church and state?! not there apparently. Wow. I'm still bitter. It broke my heart! :( Thanks for this comment. I'm trying to not feel like a failure. I really am. :)

  17. Thanks Marti! This was an empowering comment to read. :) Thank you!!

  18. Thanks for replying. I'm the same way. I'd rather move toward something positive than dwell on unhappy moments. I did talk to my boyfriend who used to manage personnel for an international corporation, and he said any discussion of religion is a huge no-no. Still, they should have let you say good-bye to your students. Sorry you got jerked around. But yeah, maybe the universe fast-tracked you to the life you were cut out for.

    As far as tarot, I'm always happy to swap readings with other readers. It keeps me from getting rusty between paid readings.
    I'm thinking of doing them on Skype. I used to do them in the Etsy chat room, but obviously that won't work now.
    Best wishes.


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