I'm sitting at the kitchen table in my underwear.
I'm eating yogurt with blueberries, and sipping warm coffee.
But really, like the cliche beginning to anyone's weekend, summer, vacation, or hiatus,
I am indeed in my underwear.
Biggest reason being, my clothes are in the dryer.
Second reason is of course.. freedom.
Loosing my job was scary. I now have no definitive source of income. Talk about terrifying.
I've got bills and debt from my divorce that I'm STILL trying to pay off.
But, I'm feeling pretty at peace.
The day I got laid off, I yelled to the sky, "WHY?! WHY?! Why does this KEEP happening?! What am I doing wrong?? WHY?!"
And then I sat and waited. Fully expecting an answer.
And I got one. Almost like I was being laughed at.
My answer was, "because, it's not meant for you! greater things await."
And all weekend I went through cycles of peace then panic then peace then panic.
And Sterling helped me figure out bills and money.
If I am able to sell ONE hat a day, or TWO prints a day..
or ONE painting a week..
I can make it.
Put simply like that, it seems totally doable.
Especially with all the time I have now.
I have time to blog, paint, and market now.
Like I used to..
but it's truly terrifying.
Because failure is so real..
But the fear of not trying is even scarier.
No, I'm not going to sit in my underwear every day.
I still plan on waking up early and going "into work" the same time.
And I plan to put all of my energy into my work.
Because if I can sell one hat or two prints, I'm golden.
I truly believe in the law of attraction. I believe in magnetizing things to us.
I have been asking for more time, and to be less busy and stressed, and that's what I got.
The most direct way to have more time? Loose the job that's holding me back.
And the universe works in the quickest most direct way possible.
It still hurts though.. The initial shock of being laid off hurts.
They said it was due to money and budget cuts...
But I find it odd that a few days earlier I was brought into that same office to talk about my "religion."
I find it odd that I'm one of the few employees who doesn't share the same religion as everyone else.
I'm trying not to dwell on how condescending they were.
And how belittled I felt.
Because I know I am worth more than that.
I'm worth more than a woman handing me a box of tissues with her fake nails.
Giving me a fake apology, and handing me a pamphlet to a counseling program.
I'm worth more than clocking in and out.
I'm worth more than feeling guilty if I feel sick.
I'm worth more than that.
In fact we all are.
That's why I didn't let this whole thing get me down for too long.
Because I'm a fighter.
I am a warrior.
And I'll keep at this happiness thing.
No matter what person, or circumstance pushes me into the ground...
I'm not gonna give up.
And I say this part with tears in my eyes.. because I KNOW things get bad..
This weekend I stayed up late painting almost every night until 3 am.
I finished this painting I started.
Remember Girl In Progress?
She is finished now.
And her new name is The Warrior Woman
And she is powerful.
A garnet over her third eye, smoke coming from her fingertips, and horns on her helmet...
She is Power. She is Bold. She is Brave. She is a Warrior.
I'm not huge into woman empowerment (mostly cause research and thinking about it makes me ANGRY)..
but this painting empowers me.
And I hope you can feel it too.
Because we are all Warriors
Too long have Women been degraded, stripped of power, made invisible and silent for centuries.
That is who we identify with. And that identity is firmly in place even today.
And that is our challenge.
It's time to get noticed.
It's time to stand up for yourself.
It's time to speak your Truth when needed..
and it's time to hold your head up high.
We are more powerful than we are brought up to believe.
We already know the answers to the questions eating away at our souls.
We just need to stop and listen.
We need to trust in ourselves, quiet our hearts and minds and make bold and brave decisions.
We all have powerful intuition, and we already know the right way to go.
The right way to go doesn't mean it will be the easiest.
The easiest path has never been the most fruitful..
and only the brave seek only the best fruit.
I'll be adding larger prints soon I hope!