Monday, April 8, 2013

Dark Places

I have found myself in dark places lately.
I can feel my depression coming back up.
And I'm not sure what to do.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm so busy..
so many deadlines, so much to do, 
and I feel like I can't seem to ever feel accomplished.
Feelings of inadequacy and almost self hate.  
I know these feelings are normal to come up every so often.
It's a reality.
Depression is real.
And I can feel it coming back a bit. 

And sometimes there is no reason why.
Depression just is. 

(These pictures are not mine.. Found from various places online somewhere.) 

But, like everyone else...
I'm doing my best.
Trying to fight it, trying to stay happy. 
Looking for the beauty and the light.

But, boy, it can be hard. 


  1. Life will provide you happiness, friend. Last week was full of many hard issues for me, and I thought for sure my mania would slip and I would slide back into depression... However, I became balanced. Balanced and normal feeling, which hasn't happened in a long time. For every negative, life provided a positive. I am gonna be talking more about this on my blog on Wednesday, but I assure you... You will be happy. Life will provide. You may slip and slide back into depression, or you may become balanced. Sometimes, instead of fighting, let yourself slide. You may find you have a soft safety net that will catch you, if you trust. <3

    1. Thanks Angie. :) I know it will... things always balance out.. I can always count on that. Thanks for your understanding and supportive comment. :)

  2. There must be something in the atmosphere... I totally get this... what you are saying, and from reading the words of others, there are several who are also in the same boat. It's hard... hard to stay positive.
    But think of the good things - Wicket, Sterling, the fact you are doing something you love, the wonderful road trips you have taken recently :)
    You'll get there, hang in there... sending you good vibes :D
    Also - looking at this always cheers me up!

    1. That's interesting.. I wonder what it is. Hopefully all will balance out in the end, and I'm sure it will. :)

  3. I'm so sorry to hear this, Rachael. I worked in mental health for 5 years, and now I'm getting my Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I've heard from so many people that they can feel when their depression is coming back. As a counselor, I wish there was a magic wand I could wave and make you feel completely better. Please take care of yourself and heal how your body tells you is best. <3 I'll be thinking about you.

    1. Thanks Ella. :) It feels a bit like a cloudy drowning sensation.. haha looming over. I wish there was a magic wand too. Maybe there is, maybe it's part of a paint brush or a pencil.. It might not be flashy magic.. but little things like that can help :)

  4. Hi Rachael, Thanks for sharing. It's so cool to hear someone speak out about their depression. I'm from Australia and 1 in 5 women suffer from depressive symptoms at some point. There are free online resources

  5. O I feel you dearest. I've been feeling my own cloud lately. That invisible pressure that hangs so gloomily over that if I just peek over my shoulder I can see, and yet can't escape. I've found some solace in thinking about things I can do rather than focusing on what it feels I can't. *I know I can take a few minutes and check in with my work, that I can push along to keep to my little list of what I wanted done and that no matter what, today will end, tomorrow will start and what is done now will be past and I'll have a fresh start.* <3 to you!


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