Last week was a big week for me emotionally. I’ve been under quite a bit of stress; and fears were trying to overcome me all week. Last Monday I went to The Complex in SLC to see the venue of the RAW Art Show coming up in February. Like I mentioned earlier here, I’ve never done a RAW show, and I’m pretty nervous about it! I came home from the venue shaken. There are so many other wonderful artists and designers.. the space was huge.. I realized, I have A LOT to be preparing for!
Every time I thought about the show my heart was plagued with fear and worry. I would quickly push the fears away and continue moving forward. But fears and worries kept coming back up. Thoughts like: what if no one attends? What if I can’t sell all the tickets I need to? ..and my favorite.. “What if it’s stupid?!” what if.. what if.. what if.. The questions came up, and I quickly shoved them back under.
It wasn’t until about 4 am one night when all that fear I had been pushing down came up to the surface to have a chat.
That’s when I remembered that emotions are there for a reason. They help us shape our reality.. they form our thoughts. Many actions are based off emotions. And emotions need to be faced. When emotions aren’t faced, and they are continually swept under the rug, they become a huge subconscious monster of filth. He will continue to rear his confusing head in every event and relationship until you pick him apart emotion by emotion and face him. This monster is also capable of taking your other emotions with him.. Even the positive emotions are stolen... Leaving you a numb emotionless mess.
Humans aren’t often taught emotional intelligence like they should be. Boys are taught not to be sensitive, emotional, or upset. Girls are taught to keep a smile, to always be happy, and that they need to be sorry their emotions. So, pushing emotions and fears aside is taught as natural behavior.
The thing with emotions.. is that they need to be felt and faced. They teach us about ourselves. Emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions, facing them.. feeling them and then releasing them.
And that night at 4 am all that fear came up to be faced.. like a monster hiding under the bed.. he slithered up next to me, and whispered in my ear.. “you can’t hide from me forever..” So there I was lying in bed with the monster of fear. And I chose to feel and embrace the fear. I let it consume me. I noticed this fear rested in my lower belly. Like a lump in my lower stomach.. which came out as lower back pain during the day. It made my heart ache, and my throat felt swollen.
I held the fear for a bit of time. I accepted the things that could go “wrong” and I looked at the good within all of the situations that came up. I respected the feelings and worries that came with this fear.. and then I nodded my head and I released it. I visualized it dissipating right out the window.. I felt my body become lighter, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. And then I welcomed fear’s opposite into my heart. A allowed myself to feel at peace and calm.
Because when you release anything, it’s important to replace it with something new. I let love fill my body. I thought of all the good things that could possibly go right. I saw the good things that can come from this.. and I fell asleep with love in my heart, and I woke with a clear mind.
The next morning, I began preparing to work in my studio, and my mind wandered to the RAW show.. the event that caused quite a bit of this fear.. Yet, I looked at it with a different perspective than I did the day before.. without even trying. That fear had been faced, and I no longer feel it. Instead I felt excited, and inspired.. sure there are still some nerves, I know things can go "wrong", but I’m okay with them. I faced them.. so now I can focus on brighter emotions.
My belief is that emotions are like a swinging pendulum. Always moving. (Even at 4am.) If the pendulum can swing one way, it will always swing the other. In order to experience extreme highs, we have to experience and face the extreme lows. But I think that's how a lot of aspects of life are. In order to feel a flow, you must feel an ebb.
This post turned out a lot longer than I meant it to… and I wasn’t even planning on writing all of this! In fact, I started this blog mostly to announce that I’ve made a facebook event for the show! But the post transformed into something healing that I needed to read and write. (I love when that happens.)
Most of my local friends are invited to the event, but I would love to have more friends who aren’t local receive updates! So feel free to join! I still have a few more tickets to the show. I have a limited amount left… and all of my long distance friends can buy a ticket in exchange for a print! (Best of both worlds!) I will ship you which ever print you want, and the price is only 15$ that way. Purchase tickets here.