I've been struggling lately. Tons of questions have been running through my head lately. Who am I even writing to? Does anyone read this? Does anyone see me? Does it even matter? Why do I even write, or draw or paint? What if I just stopped? How can I paint things I absolutely love? Do all artists go through this? I've been feeling so much inadequacy, loneliness, and fear lately.
I've been doing a lot of journaling, doodling and questioning lately.. I realized that since I left my day job, I have done art ever single day. Not a day has passed that I haven't done some form of art.. and this has turned me against myself. I have been doing a lot of reevaluating of my work, life and purpose.. wondering the whys, the hows, and the what ifs..
Sunday night I decided it was time to quit art.
At least for like a week.. maybe longer.
I gave myself a week off from art.. from doodling, sketching, and anything related. I made the announcement to Sterling who promptly said, "I won't let you quit art. Ever." I'm appreciative of a supportive boyfriend... but I told him he had to let me quit, because what if one day I discovered I was really really good at roller derby or something... and that I need to know I'm not locked into something forever.. and that I need to be allowed to quit.
Sterling has always supported me with my art, more often than I do.. or anyone else for that matter. And so I guess I'm feeling voiceless lately.. And I don't know where to go from here. So, I'm taking a break from my art work, at least for a little while. My brain needs to focus on other things...
Of course the day I decided to quit, 30 minutes later I sold a large painting, and was asked to participate in an art show... I'm hoping these are hints from the universe.