Tuesday, March 11, 2014


Somehow I end up missing posts over the weekend. I end up blogging on Thursday, and by blogging I mean posting outfit photos... and then I forget to blog again until Monday or Tuesday.

I spent some time with family this last weekend. It was a lot of fun and I got to talking to my little brother who is home from New York because of some medical issues. He's got a lot of the same issues I've been dealing with. Migraines, headaches, sleeping problems, depression. He's seen some doctors, neurologists and had an MRI. He's been on some medications for these problems and I'm starting to think I should get checked out too. But, with all the insurance stuff going on, I just don't have the money. I'm waiting to see what the insurance world will look like after my birthday this month... when I cross the age threshold of being able to stay on my parent's insurance.

This is just getting to be all too much lately. I can barely get out of bed in the mornings let alone worry about insurance crap and why I have headaches every since day. . Besides, I have too much to worry about with this book.. because while I'm busy working on this book, I'm unable to paint or push for sales in the Art Shop, so money is a bit tight right now..

This last week has actually been a bit better. I think my mood is waxing just like the moon. I've spent a lot of time this last week thinking of the things I can do to make myself happier. Not just thinking of them, but practicing them too. I've made some progress, and I want to share with you. Even if it's a weekly thing, because I do feel a difference, and I hope to help others too.

On top of dealing with the above... I've been dealing with the new rental agency... who is not much kinder than the last. They raised my rent with a promise to put insulation in, but now they won't be doing that until after I move.  It's tough to get ahold of who I need to, and the transfer of files from the last owner to the new owner didn't happen right, so I've had to be the one to track down forms and scan them in to the right place... because if I don't, the cracked tile that was here before I moved in would be my fault and I'd have to pay for it. It's been a frustrating mess, and I'm ready to move out.

Moving brings a sense of progression to me.. but I've been waiting to buy a truck, or rent one. I've been waiting to look for a place until I know if someone will take over this lease. My soul is craving a move, though my soul also truly adores this house. I'm just ready for a change.

I just need another me to help deal with all of this stress. Someone who knows the bills and passwords, someone who will help take some of the responsibilities off of my shoulders.. but then again... I don't think I would get along with another me... I can barely get along with myself.

I've been trying to surround myself in things I love.. like my new little garden. (Pictured above.)
We were at a small cafe and I told Sterling I wanted a plant. I reached my finger to touch it, and he popped off into my hand. So, I took him home with the intent to give him a better brighter happier home.
Also, over the New Moon I took the opportunity to plant some seeds of my own for my kitchen.
I planted some herbs and flowers to brighten things up. Chamomile, lavender, basil, and some peppers.

 I've also had a craving to surround myself with calcite. A very strong amplifier, with individual properties of it's own.. I have nearly every color now in my collection, but I'm still drawn to more.

I've also been doing more yoga, meditation and trying to listen to my body more.

When I was a child, I went to counseling for some abuse and trauma I suffered when I was young. My counselor was wonderful and very metaphysical, and at the early age of just 8 I learned about colors, chakras and body testing. I remembered she had a book called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. I didn't remember that book until I saw it at a friend's house years ago.. and the memories flooded back. I bought the book shortly after and learned so much reading it. Whenever I have pain or an ache, I like to refer to the book. It often explains what's going on. My shoulders and back has hurt for about a year now, and reading this totally explains why.
Another great book is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Her book is colorful and uplifting, but her index includes the symptoms, but also an affirmation to help heal.  I love her books, and would and have recommended them.

I've also been doing huge chakra yoga and meditations. I've uncovered some deep seeded repressed memories and emotions buried in the Sacral Chakra, which is the chakra that sores memories, emotions and traumas from birth to the 20s... especially childhood. I mentioned above needing to go to counseling when I was a child.. this yoga and meditation is heavy stuff to go through.. It's left me feeling rather raw.

But, like my little kitchen garden.. Things won't bloom over night. A seed has a process of change to go through. Loving care, and some soil, sun and water will help shape the seeds and plants to grow into whatever they need to become. Love and patience is the key, but so is accepting things will have to get a little muddy first.

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  1. Sorry to hear you've been so down, chick! I love your little garden.


  2. depression sucks!!!! i know bc i suffer also. the hardest part for me is energy. i feel so drained all the time and everyday is a constant struggle- work, bills, kids, somebody always need something, trying to be creative, chores/housework. its the daily grind! but it looks like you are taking an active role in feeling better, which is hard. bc you know in your mind that if you just got up and took a shower, or did the dishes, or took a short walk, or put your laundry away- you would feel 100 times better. but you just can't muster the motivation to do it!!! its a weird cycle. so keep your head up, spring is right around the corner and it will be better!!!

  3. Yeah... the hardest thing to do in the world is getting out of bed. Still can't figure that one out.


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