Did you know, that I'm too skinny? But I'm also too fat! And I don't even know if that's true... because that's what my brain argues about all day. It's the most confusing thing ever.
When I was growing up, I would look at fashion magazines, and see commercials, and like most young girls, I had the perception I was too fat. Yet at the same time I was constantly teased and laughed at by my own family for never getting visited by the "boobie fairy." I was told I looked like a 12 year old boy by my own aunt. In front of the entire family. Oh, and I was twenty years old at that time. I'm sure they all thought it was fun and games, but those painful memories contributed to this body image complex that I have. I remember the first time my ex told me I was fat. I could probably tell you the exact date, and what I was wearing. It hurt that bad. He commented on how fat my legs were. Something I had feared about while growing up. The man who was supposed to love me, told me.. I was fat. Several times throughout the marriage too. But while I was too fat for him, I also didn't have big enough boobs for him either. He even brought up me getting breast enhancement surgery. Which I still contemplate.
In high school, I was too skinny. I had teachers follow me into the bathroom after lunch to see if I was throwing up my meals. I had to drink weight gain/ meal replacement shakes on top of my other 3 meals a day. My favorite clothes were taken from me until I weighed over 110lbs. Which didn't happen until after college. And I don't even think I weigh 110 anymore. I was weighed daily by my mother. She kept charts of my weight, and weighed me in my underwear before school. I was teased that if I didn't gain weight, the "bobbie fairy" would never visit. I was humiliated most of my high school years. Bra and underwear shopping is and has always been a nightmare! IF and only IF I can find a bra small enough to fit, it's one of those mega push up bras that promise to add 2 cups sizes. Another huge hint, that I will never be good enough. IF I can find underwear small enough, I usually still have to take it in.
There were times my own roommate, the one who moved out this last summer, would comment on my weight and my "fat legs." At that time she was very concerned about her own body image, and would constantly tear me down to her level with comments like, "I never really noticed how thick your calves were until recently!" or "You sure could get some definition if you cycled more!" I was stunned. That a fellow female who shared so much good times and laugher with me would be so willing to tear me down to her level.
I'm not meaning to complain to you... rather to share my background on why I feel I am both way too skinny and way too fat. All at the same time. Because it is very possible. And I know I'm not alone with these body issues. Sadly there isn't much anyone can say to me to make me feel better. Trust me, Sterling has tried. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and my response is usually something like "uh huh... right.." Obviously not believing a word he says.
Because both men and woman are conditioned to believe women have to be perfect. Women in the media need to be skinny, big breasted, and flawless. While men can be anything they want. There are several overweight, unattractive men represented in the media. And that's wonderful for them. But too many women are being airbrushed, and photoshopped. I've even seen female news anchors fired when they get wrinkles or show any signs of aging.Their male counter part stays as a younger, more attractive woman takes his partners place. Showing that women are only worthy of a man, a job, or anything if they are flawless. It's comics like this one,
Or quotes like this,
"The only way a woman fails in life, is if she gets an A in bra size."
This video sums it up very nicely.
And now I'm at a total loss of what to say. Because I don't know what comes next. I don't know what the next step is to this huge problem we have.
We need to be mindful of what we say to others. Don't tear others down. One "too fat," or "too skinny" comment will stick with them 100 times more than one "You are beautiful."
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Rachael, you are beautiful. You are talented and kind. I am so sorry that you were treated so poorly by people. <3 I understand what that is like.
ReplyDeleteI was always incredibly thin as a kid, teen, young woman, and even after several kids arrived. Then I was subjected to a really bad spinal cord, neck/back injury, torn muscles, damaged nerves, etc. I went from athletically built, strong, with tons of endurance to seriously overweight, no muscle tone whatsoever, no stamina, nada in a period of 9 months of not being able to move much. A hard sneeze & I was down for the count. It's been a very long 13 & 1/2 years getting any semblance of who I was back. I went up to a size 22, over 270#, and miserable as could be. I had been in track, soccer, volleyball, shot archery, competed in horse competitions, was a diver...and now who was I? I had to give up being a horse trainer, something I loved deep within my soul, something I wanted since I was 4 yrs. old...and it was ripped from me with no warning. Every single pound off, every single time I can do something I haven't been able to for years, is a gold medal victory to me.
ReplyDeleteBut my daughters are all whip thin, and they eat, boy do they eat. Like myself prior to the injury, like my mom, they are hyper charged with excellent metabolisms, and unlike me or mum, they have been oft subjected to bullying from peers, other parents, etc., and the worst of it was done to them at their church. Seriously, called bulimics, anorexics, etc. for years there, and no matter what they or myself said to people they were continually bullied and taunted. It pissed me off to no end! These people saw my girls eat at suppers, youth group meetings, etc. and so forth for years and years, did they really still think the worst even though they never once saw them refuse food nor were they ever once seen or heard throwing up. My girls are athletic as well, playing tackle mud football with the boys, my youngest is nicknamed 'The Beast' by the boys, and they definitely hold their own. But other girls, women, it's shameful how these so called Christian women treat one another.
Treating anyone badly over their body type is absolutely abhorrent to me. Did no one get raised with the adage treat others as you wish to be treated, or don't judge books by their covers, etc. and so on. How about, if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all. It's become entirely too commonplace for adults to believe they have the right to say what ever strikes their fancy to whomever they wish. It's disgusting and foul.
your family sounds sooo horrible. it is amazing that you turned out to be such a wondrful and beatiful soul! i want to be just like you
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel! I started gaining weight when I was 12 and all throughout my teenage years my dad and step mom would always comment on my weight and criticize me when I would eat something. They would always say that I ate to much and that I was fat. I was forced to go to a nutritionist every Saturday to lose weight. When I was 16 until I moved out I was always put down because of my weight. I always ate too much to them and they made me feel like shit honestly. I always thought I had to be skinny. I ended up purging all the time. They never found out since the only time they payed attention was when I would eat too much according to their standards. I've gained weight since I graduated high school and I'm always afraid to go see them in person because I know they're going to say something about it. I haven't seen them in a year simply because I'm afraid what they're going to say. It's not like they make an effort to talk and see my anyways. But i struggle everyday with my weight. Honestly I can't stand myself, but I'm stuck with my body. This comment is extremely depressing. Sorry about that. Basically I know exactly how you feel when it comes to body image.
ReplyDeleteWow...I can completely relate to this post. I was always teased in school because I was so thin...even though I ate more than most guys! People would call me anorexic on a daily basis and would play a lot of cruel jokes. I STILL get the small boob comments by a lot of my friends even though they know that i have very little self esteem when it comes to the way I look. I tried everything to gain weight! Weight gainers, protein shakes, etc. Nothing helped. I'm just naturally very thin. I actually had a baby and went back down to exactly the same weight I was pre-baby...and I get hassled about that too... I hate how much society "tells" women how they should look and feel.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me when I say you ARE beautiful. I have been following your blog for sometime so I readwhile you were with your ex. So I must say you do not have 'fat legs'. It is obviously something you are very self concious about and so I assume, like your roommate, he was manipulating you. Not cool at all. I'm sorry you have suffered such cruelty. While my mother left me alone she contributed to my sisters body issues. She was very enthusiastic to help her go on diets and take her to dermatologist when in reality my sister was skinny and had normal teen acne. I also witnessed my girlfriend in grade school suffer from bulimia Because her mom would comment on how she is overweight. Would tell her that no guy would ever want to be with someone so heavy and that she didn't weight that much when she was her age. No matter what I did I couldn't convince my friend that she was skinny (she was very skinny). I stopped being her friend because I couldn't handle it as a child. I still feel guilty about it and always will. As for boobs I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up I never thought about weight, or body image. The only thing I hated was my large feet and my teeth. But after I had 2 kids, I grew boobs and hips and have a nice pooch of skin around my middle and curves in all the wrong places. I now HATE getting dressed. It's a battle every day because i feel like people can't see any part of who I really am because all they look at is my chubby face. But I am so thankful for my husband who tells me everyday that he loves the changes my body went through. All of it, my jiggly thighs, my poor, droopy post-breastfeeding boobs, all of it. When I'm around strangers, I feel ashamed of myself, but when I'm with him, I feel beyond sexy. I think having that support system is so important in how we women view our bodies. And I think we should be encouraging each other to be healthy. Not skinnier, not fatter. Just healthier. The media won't change their views of beauty until we can do that with ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI can relate for opposite reasons. I was a bit plump all through my teens and well endowed for my age. Without going through all the reasons why I think I was this way, I will just say that I can look at photos of me from back then and realize I was was perfectly proportioned and looked just fine. I admit I eat everything I should not be eating along with things that are healthy and I really am bigger than I should be. I would tell you this Rachael, you are and I'm not just saying it to say it, you really are beautiful. I love your eyes, your facial features are perfect and yes you run on the slender side, but I've never wondered if you eat like a fly, or do things that make you lose weight. One day you will not feel insecure and it will be OK. I'm telling the truth. Oh, and that beautiful comment applies to your soul as well. I'm proud of the person you are.
ReplyDeleteHello Everyone am pamela richard from Canada am here to share a great testimony to everyone here to meet a trustworthy spell caster because there are lots of fake spell caster's on the internet all they do is lie and take people money away without helping them solve there problem have fallen a victim into the hands of some fake spell caster after they kept on lying to me and collect lots of money from me without them solving my problem,But i bless the day i contact this man called Dr Ogba he his a very straight forward spell caster he is trustworthy after my love had a divorce with me for good 2 years he sent me packing and brought another woman into the house i was so sad and unhappy i tried my best to make sure that i get back my lover until a friend of mine in the USA introduced me to Dr Ogba and told me how Dr Ogba has helped a lot of them in the USA and that he his always talked about on the radio station that i should not worry myself that Dr Ogba would grant my heart desire was so happy when i had that,so i contacted Dr Ogba and shared my problem with him he told me not to worry that my lover would be back to my arms within 24 hours i was like wow is this real but believe me my lover called me to come over home in tears and also told me if i don't come over he would kill himself i rushed home i found out that my lover has sent the other lady packing and also told me that he his sorry and made me have access to everything he owns just to prove to me that he would never leave me for any reason am so happy all thanks and adoration goes to Dr Ogba for bring back happiness into my life please be mindful of who you contact for your problem,you can contact Dr Ogba on ogbapaullovespellcaster1@gmail.com or cell number +2348116144331
ReplyDeleteBefore I read this post, I wanted to be just like you. I tried dying my hair to be like you, tried wearing eye liner but sorta failed. After I read this post, I still wanted to be just like you, because reading this post has not changed the way you are, it hasn't changed your personality, your hobbies...if anything, it has made you MORE YOU. We all have the problem of wanting to be like someone else, as long as you don't give yourself up, that's absolutely fine!! What's more, it can inspire you to change, to try something new (like dying your hair or wearing eye liner) and can make you happier and adventurous. But you can never change who you really are. Because if you did, than the person who wants to be just like you will have no-one to aspire to anymore. And trust me, there is always definately certainly 100% surely someone out there who sees the beautiful, different, awesome side of you...and that side, is a side that exists on all of us--no matter what you think of yourself. So you should NEVER EVER try to beat yourself up over being or trying to be different than you are. Ignore what everybody else looks/ is like and start loving how YOU are because loving yourself is being you.
ReplyDeleteRachael, you are beautiful. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteWe all go through this, me too, and these battles are not some we win easily.
Trust yourself, and trust your Sterling's advice, because really....who else really matters? (I know, it's so easy to say...)
Love you,
Laura <3
p.s: I was just thinking yesterday how beautiful your eyes are, I was stunned by their amazing color and shape :)
FOR ANY KIND OF HELP CALL PRIEST OMIGODO +2348079367204
ReplyDeleteWell, you just made me cry tears of happiness and love. Thank you. This truly lifted me up!
ReplyDeleteYes! I don't like it either. I'm happy to spread awareness.. People don't realize that skinny bashing is just as bad as any other bashing... They shouldn't people bash at all! Words can hurt. :(
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story Martha! I've known you for a long time, and I didn't know this about you. Thank you for opening up to me and sharing your story. I know I sent you a message saying this, but again. Thank you. :) I'm sorry for the way you were treated, especially about being molested! (don't even get me STARTED on that topic) I HATE the way people throw the word rape and molest around like a joke! When 1 in 6 girls have been raped or sexually abused... and that 1 in 6 are those who are brave enough to report it! Ahhh I got started.... Thanks again for your story. You are truly beautiful! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura. :) It's a huge battle of feeling beautiful then ugly.. truly a struggle. But I also believe we pick our trials to learn something and to over come them... So, clearly, I can and will get over this. :) Thanks again. You are so sweet. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Betty. You always say the sweetest most uplifting things to me. I can always count on you. :) Thanks for your advice. I'm so happy and lucky to have you as a friend. <3
ReplyDeleteYes. Your last sentence was perfect. Also, for the record when I saw you the other day, I thought you looked great! You've always looked beautiful! Your husband sounds like a great guy. When I was with my ex I was terrified to change, because he wasn't anything like your husband.. who sees those changes as the beauty that they are. They are life bringing changes. Beautiful and godly. Something to be proud of.. but that's easy for some to say.. I've never had kids. One day I might be in your shoes asking for your advice on how to be like you. And I really did think you looked great at the book store! xoxo
ReplyDeleteIts not depressing. I'm glad you opened up to me. Body shaming is never ok. Not ever. Fat, skinny, or anything. People should be uplifted, never brought down like that. I'm so sorry you went through that. And people think it's funny to joke about it! The same aunt who told me I looked like a little boy bought my older sister some weight loss videos for Christmas one year, laughing about it. It was so rude. It's rude to do it subtly, or straight to someone's face! Especially when it's family. The people who share blood and bonds.. the people who are supposed to be there for you no matter what tear you down. I'm so sorry. And I honestly think you are so beautiful! <3
ReplyDeleteThey really aren't. So much of it was joking, and teasing in hopes to get me to eat more.. but jokes and teasing hurt! Especially since there is laughter at someone else's expense.. I don't even consider myself easily offended... but I could be. And thank you Celeste. You are so sweet. Your comment made my heart so happy!
ReplyDeleteI remember a HUGE turning point in my life. My art teacher in college taught me to say "So what." And I guess I forgot that little lesson until I read your comment. Thank you! :) And yes, body weight and appearances shouldn't matter nearly as much as they do. Skills, brains and talents should weigh heavier. It's a HUGE reason I don't watch tv or read magazines. So sick of all the drama. It's sad to think of all the young girls growing up in this world who end up hitting the brick wall of feeling never good enough.. Makes my heart sad.
ReplyDeleteAw, I feel for your daughters. It's so sad how we are expected to fit in a cookie cutter shape of a perfect body that NO ONE even fits. Yet if you don't fit it, you aren't normal. Ohh it's infuriating. I'm sorry for what you and your daughters have gone through. I wish I knew what to do to help change this terrible cycle, but it's so big and world wide. But like someone mentioned in a comment above, we need to change the way we see us before the media can change... but this is no easy task. It's fighting a pretty huge enemy.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your sweet words. I know this post seemed like a huge complaint and fishing for compliments. It really wasn't meant for that! But thank you for your support. <3
ReplyDeleteI saw this a while back and after reading your post went hunting for it again so I could pin it - I think you, me and probably most other women should print this out and pin it by the bathroom mirror and read it to ourselves every time we brush our teeth :) http://www.pinterest.com/pin/278871401900444222/
ReplyDeleteI only buy bras online now, because bra shopping in stores always ends with me in tears. My ex wanted me to get breast implants too. And in high school my mom and my brother both thought I was anorexic, even though they both saw me eat. I usually ate more than my older brother! So I can totally relate.
ReplyDeletewow, powerful :-)
ReplyDeleteI don’t even really know what to say after reading this
ReplyDeletepost, but I’ll try. I am a 16 year old girl who started following your blog
less than half a year ago. I originally stumbled across your blog after looking
up pictures of haircuts I wanted, and yours was the visual match to the one in
my imagination. I fell in love with your style and your stories, and I read
your blog posts all the way back to page one. One thing I love about your blog
is how it is different from the same old blog that follows all society’s expectorations.
You aren’t afraid to express your love for all things fantastical and
different. Your individuality is beautiful. I came to really look up to you in
a way. Reading this post really hit home, in terms of how relatable it was.
I heard from a friend
once, that everybody has their good traits listed on their backs, so you can
see somebody else’s, but you can never see your own. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you may
beat yourself up about your imperfections, but there are people who love you,
and look up to you for who you are. And yes, sadly, everyone has body image insecurities;
it sucks, especially as a teen that is growing up in the age of the internet. But just try to look at the brighter side of
things, and know that you’re not alone. Besides, healthy is the new skinny.
I found your blog by chance about a year ago. The very first thing I thought when I had a look at it was that it's easy to say all these things, when someone is as gorgeous as you.Only If I were that beautiful , thin, young and modern as this girl Iife would be a piece of cake for me. How old are you by the way? Because I thought you are 22 or 23 years old. I am good in my skin, much better than you, although I have to lose at least 15 kilos in order to be anything close to fit or elegant. But you know there is always a very good solution to our body issues : get rid of the jerks in your life, fill it with people who think you are wonderful, and look more often to the mirror. In the mirror you ll see that your legs are great and they could easily star in stockings commercial. Well, these are three solutions actually but all good things come in three, aren't they? Love
ReplyDeleteYes! Getting rid of a few jerks in life certainly does the trick. This what this year is about for me. Thanks for your comment!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post. I know I am a few months behind the times, but I still feel the need to comment. I'm somewhat overweight, and I want to lose a few pounds, for me. No one else. It's taken me a long time to decide this for myself. My ex, whom I was with for nearly four years, and his mother (that we lived with) had body image issues and were somehow convinced I needed to lose 50 pounds or something like that. That was a little less than a third of my weight. No way in hell would that happen, unless I stopped eating (no thank you!)
ReplyDeleteI started running and watching what I ate to some extent, and started toning up a little bit. I noticed it, which was awesome, but it wasn't good enough for them. My ex mother in law commented more than once something along the lines of "You've been running a lot, but you're still really fat. You need to stop eating so much" Um, lady, EFF YOU, this is my body, NOT yours.
He and I split almost a year ago, I put on more weight after that, and now I'm finally at a point in my life where I am happy on my own, and I don't NEED someone there to tell me I'm awesome. I luckily have found a man that does make me feel awesome, calls me beautiful, and encourages me to be healthy, in a positive manner. I have a Fitbit tracker that counts my steps and he congratulates me when I reach my goal, and whenever I make an effort to replace something unhealthy with something that is less so.
It really makes a difference in how you feel about yourself when you have people building you up instead of tearing you down. You are beautiful, inside and out, for many reasons, just like nearly everyone on this planet. You are a strong woman with an amazing, successful business, you have great goals, are incredibly creative and you seem like a pretty cool person to be around. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, because your inside is so awesome.
I don't really know where I'm going with this comment, but thank you again for writing this post. It's something women need to see more of.
<3
ReplyDeleteBE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL I SAW A POST ABOUT MAMA ANITA SPELL AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HER MY LAST TRAIL.SHE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND $180 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS, I HAVE PAID OVER $3000 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HER A TRY SO I CALLED HER AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE $180 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS SHE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE ON LINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL MAMA ANITA THE NEXT DAY THANKING HER FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HER AND THANK HER AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT MAMA ANITA (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)