I missed my usual 10 am post... I normally start blogging in the evening and get back to it in the morning. Yesterday afternoon started normal. I got home and started getting to work. I had hats to finish, prints to print, a post office trip to make, photos to take, a blog post to do, photos to edit, emails to write, sketches to work on and a house to clean. Easy stuff. Typical afternoon.
Well, halfway through the printer jamming, the house being unreasonably hot, and a headache, I collapsed on the floor and teared up. Not too typical. I sat on the floor with tears running down my face. Sterling silently got up, worked some magic on the printer and sat back down.
I stood back up to get back to work.. mildly embarrassed.. (Don't tell..) only to have the printer jam again! But this time I got angry. I was tired. Tired of working, tired of doing everything, tired of so many projects, and such a long to do list. The tiredness hit, and it scared me. I was angry. Swearing and yelling and hitting the printer. I was mad. I get firey. I get feisty, and I get sassy.
Sterling normally handles it well. Yesterday he handled it best.
He raised his voice! He yelled I work too much. I do too much and I needed a break. He told me to finish what I was doing and then close the computer. I wouldn't be working anymore that night.
I sat there wide eyed at him. And almost started laughing.
He's normally so quiet and reserved, but when he yells... I listen.
He never yells at me. He would never do anything to hurt me, physically, emotionally or verbally. Just a disclaimer, this wasn't a fight.
It was kind of just a "CALM DOWN" moment. And I did.
He gruffly said, "No more work. Finish what you are doing, then we are getting pizza tonight, and we are watching a movie. If I see you open your laptop I will bury it in the backyard. Now, come sit on my lap and snuggle me." I stuck out my lower lip and trudged over, collapsed in his arms and just kind of sat for a bit.
He's good to me.
Guys, this kid is good.
Wicket loves him. I love him.
He loves us.
Always asking to make sure I'm eating, and drinking enough water.
If he hears a crash he comes running to see if I'm alright.
Always asking if I'm happy. Always wanting to know how he can help.
Sterling is always trying to show me love and affection, and I sometimes don't know how to show it back.
He tells me I'm beautiful, and I stick my tongue out or scrunch up my face. I don't know.. it seems like a good idea at the time.
We both came from similar relationships.. and we both still have some residual habits.
My ex once told me, "Beautiful is NOT a word to describe you."
So, when Sterling tells me I'm beautiful it's hard to believe. But, the words do mean so much more now.
Sterling came from a relationship where he was always in trouble.
So, if he ever feels like he's done something wrong, he says sorry over and over again, and beats himself up for nothing. So, when I say I forgive him for something (which I never even need to), the words mean so much more now.
I don't know if this blog post is going anywhere really.. I guess I'm just dumping my brain.
Letting you guys know, I'm a lucky girl.
I'm being well taken care of... by this handsome man.