Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Raw Honesty

Raw honesty.

I have a problem telling people I love them. It's something I'm working on.  

I don't like my back being touched. Or my neck. Getting a massage brings me to tears.

I can't touch my own belly button. It makes me sick.. We need to stop talking about it. Now. 

I smell my cups before I use them... If they smell like anything at all, I won't use them. I would rather drink from a bottle. 

If a cup does in fact pass the smell test, only ice water with 5 ice cubes can be drinken from it. 

I'm afraid of Cookie Monster. I used to have nightmares of him chasing me up the stairs when I was younger. 

I also recall a dog named Ding Dong. Both me and my older sister remember this dog vividly. Everyone else in the family claims there never was such a dog. 

I also have recollection of being in a hot air balloon, and also holding a baby lion while in Africa. Both of these never happened... In this life at least. 

I still have post traumatic stress disorder from Mowgli's passing two years ago. 

I still have post traumatic stress disorder from childhood events. I choose to not talk about it.. I know it's unhealthy. 

I used to have a lot of problems with self hate, and self harm. Not even my family knows of those dark times.. 

I really did talk to trees while I was growing up. My family may have not known of my dark times, but the trees did.

My favorite color is yellow.. Because it reminds me of sunflowers, and they remind me to choose happiness. 

I truly love trees.. They stand tall, they are grounded and are constantly reaching up. 

I hear voices at night. 
I dream of future events.
I see things and figures in my room. 
I have pretty horrid nightmares some times. 

I used to sneak into the cemetery at night. 

I believe in aliens, big foot and the faery realm. I feel as if I've been abducted by aliens several times. 

I love to walk barefoot, and I'm very self conscious about my feet. I have been walking barefoot for so long my feet are very calloused and tough.

I'm also self conscious about my weight. I thought for a very long time that I was overweight. I STILL struggle with poor body image and low self esteem. 

I worked for a paranormal investigating company once, I was a medium. 

The  healer I worked with once told me I had "faery hands." I now know what that means. And I'm beyond intrigued. 

I used to think I was outgoing and social... But I have turned inward and can now count my social life on one hand now. And I'm not one bit ashamed. 

My best friend and soul mate is Sterling.. And I've never been happier with any one person as I am now.

My other best friend is my little Wicket.. He is a first time soul here. A little baby 

I remain in contact with my other best friend Mowgli.. He is my spirit guide and a lot of folks think I'm crazy. 

And I might be crazy. I'm willing to accept that others may think I'm a little crazy. They might think I'm strange... They can chalk it to me being an artist type. 
But it keeps life interesting. 


  1. Rachael, thank you for your trust. I'm so proud of you, though not sure I have any rights to be proud.
    All of these quirks, hurts, visions, passions - are what makes you, you. You are unique but also much like the rest of us.
    I'm just so glad to know you.

  2. I smell cups too! Glad I'm not the only person on the planet! I smell them to see if they have a "clean" smell. If they have been in the cupboard too long, they smell like the cupboard and I have to re-wash them. My husband thinks its such a weird little quirk, but he just doesn't understand...

  3. Thank you. So much. You have a beautiful soul, and remind me a lot of myself- and the person I want to become.

  4. Thank you - it takes great courage to be this honest but I believe being in a place where you can be open gives strength too. I also don't think it makes you sound mad, just complex and we all are in our own ways just not everyone is brave enough to own up to it but those that do are by far the most interesting. x
    Kat (woodledoodledandydesigns.co.uk)

  5. Hi Rachael, after reading this I feel kind of better :) Thank you. And yes, being this honest about yourself just makes you stronger, better and special.

  6. <3 I love this post. I also have PTSD from my childhood. The triggers are awful. I know. I was there and I am there. I also smell my cup/glass before using. I really am a tree hugger and I talk to them as well. All of this: "I hear voices at night. I dream of future events. I see things and figures in my room. I have pretty horrid nightmares some times. " Yes. I don't so much as dream of future events, and it's rare, but I do have some sort of premonition-y nightmares. The nightmares themselves, all of them, are horrible. I've been hearing more, especially at night and Jen and I have seeing things. I think my intuition and clairvoyance is opening up. I also am constantly barefoot, and also self conscious of my feet. "I believe in aliens, big foot and the faery realm." Yes to all of the above and so much more. Jen is my best friend and my soul mate. I talk to my family (which does include animals) who have passed. I do not think, and I know you are not, crazy.

    We're a lot alike, friend. <3


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