Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Bit Down

I feel like I've been missing forever, when I've actually only missed one day of blogging.
Missing one day is odd for me, since I normally post everyday, sometimes twice. 
I just haven't been feeling myself lately. 

I haven't felt like painting, or making anything new. 
I haven't felt like exploring, taking photos or even blogging.

I've struggled with depression all my life, and sometimes it hits harder than I ever expect it to. 
For little or no reason.

I post a lot about happiness, and making the choice to be happy.
These are reminders for myself and everyone who happens to look at this blog.
I know it's a hard choice.
Sometimes a daily struggle,
and sometimes it feels quite impossible.

Sometimes the term "happiness is a choice" is easily thrown to the side by those who are naturally a bit happier than the rest. They know it's a choice and it's an easy one for them.

And then there are some who read or hear that and get just a bit offended, because it's not that easy. The term "happiness is a choice" is scoffed at because 
"if only you knew how I feel right now, not even you could make the choice to be happy."

I know.
I've felt it too.

Just like most people, I need practice too.

Things to Remember: 

When one door closes, another one opens.
People do care.
Practice patience.
Slow down.
Accept what you have.
Ignore what you don't need. 
Don't compare yourself to others.
 Help lift another person.


  1. My "project" for creating a craft tent next summer with hand sewn purses and other ceramics and metals work is all about happiness (Project Jubilation) and I agree that it is sometimes hard to feel happy all the time. I tend to go to flickr or google images and search for things that make me happy, whether it be poems, bible verses, pictures/videos of funny things etc. If it helps, your site is one of my stops as well!

    Here's my blog I've been working on since Feb.

    Also been pre-teaching in art education for a class of mine and the link is

    Have a good day, and make yourself some coffee or apple cinnamon tea :)

  2. I hear you. I've struggled with depression a lot too, I think a lot of creative people do. It always passes though, and it usually has something wonderful to teach us.
    I hope you feel better soon!

  3. Thank you for this post. I understand what you're going through. I got diagnosed with MCS last year, and my life has had to change a lot since then. I've had to pretty much become a shut in. I can't even go grocery shopping for myself now. I've been feeling pretty down and admittedly bitter lately about my circumstances. Accepting what I have has been pretty hard, but I'm working through it. Thanks again for this post.

  4. rachael,
    try making some lethargic paintings. it's o.k. to express that your sad, let it out. when i think about my lethargic days, i think about drip paintings.. lazy motions..
    (look into pouring medium by liquitex, it's awesome!)
    the end product might end up making you feel a little better, too!
    i understand the want to be happy, but sometimes you gotta let all that sadness out first. i know your an artist, so art is a great way to express that!
    i hope you feel better! i have faith you will turn this negative energy into something different.


  5. Thanks so much for all your sweet comments. :) You are all such wonderful ladies, and have great advice! I may try to do some paintings like that this weekend Eva! xoxo

  6. Thank you for posting your sad posts as well as your postitive ones. It is never nice to hear that someone is sad but when you are feeling a similar way is it great to feel like you are not alone. I am looking forward to your positive posts again when they do come and I'm sure they will because another thing we all need to remember sometimes is..."this too shall pass"...

  7. I know what you're writing about. I bear since years this bad bad "friend". Sometimes is so hard to hold on in the right mode... expecially during the change of season. I feel so emotionally weak in some days.
    I've found your blog few days ago and was love at first sight! I love the way you "paint" your days... I felt happiness at the first post I've read. Yesterday I found a melancholy mood in your words... I felt something familiar, and less alone in some ways...
    People with so much creativity have to fight with many different feelings, because the feelings have so many different colours... I feel that way very often.
    If you're an artist, you live the life in a some kind of technicolor world and that means technicolor emotions... Some colours are pretty, some colours are pretty ugly.. I know it's a simplistic example...
    Yesterday I had my "crying spells" day. I think you're very brave talking about your this "weak spot" of you. It tooks years and years and still years to realize that talking about it is a good remedy and mostly it's nothing to be ashamed/scared of.
    I try every day to be happy... Like you say, I've tried to make of "happiness-is-a-choise" my lifestyle. But it doesn't comes naturally to me... And that's something, I think, doesn't fit naturally to you too. Just wanna say you're not alone and I share your daily thoughts.
    Maybe it doesn't comes naturally out you and me, but in some ways I think is better to be emotionally instinctive than being a cold calculating person... Even when they're bad fellings.
    I'm sorry about my wretched english. As self-taught I know I do a lot of mistakes!!!
    I wish you all the best. You look so kind and sweet! :)
    Love your blog! Really!

  8. I think sometimes it's good to be sad. Not to go out of your way to BE sad, of course, but if you are down - roll with it. Let yourself feel it, instead of feeling bad for feeling it, that just makes things worse!

  9. This was a good post. My husband is such a naturally happy person, and he hates it when I'm down because in his mind, its so easy to make the switch to happy. When I'm in my depressive moods, I almost don't want to feel happy. That probably sounds weird, but it's true. I just have to remember that when I do make the switch to happy, everything feels so much better.

  10. Yessss. I was hit with a bout of depression earlier this month, which resulted in me nearly disappearing from the blog world. My wife has BiPolar Depression and anxiety, I have OCD and depression and anxiety. None of these are fun, they ARE hard, but we DO work through them and I know you will too. Hang in there and should you ever need to chat with a like-minded friend, hit me up by e-mail or on my blog!

  11. I hope you feel better soon. And I'm really glad I found your blog!

  12. Racheal, I absolutely love your blog. You write with honesty and thoughtfulness. This post is personal to you and it is written beautifully even though it may not be the most positive. You write in a way that allows people who feel the same way to relate and people who dont feel the same way to understand.
    I hope you do remember those things! i hope everyone does!
    good advice! :)

    ps: i hope its alright i mentioned your blog (and http address) in a blog post of mine

  13. Thank you all so much for your meaningful comments. :) Each one has been taken to heart. Thank you all!

  14. Hi Rachael! I love your blog, and I've been reading it for almost a year now! I can't eat grains, and I suffer from depression too. I don't know if you knew this or not, but because our digestive systems tend to be on the weaker side, it's difficult for us to absorb nutrients. When we can't get our vitamins, it can effect our brain chemistry. Vitamin B-6 was the only thing that helped me, and boy o boy, was it a blessing. I've taken every medication out there and it left me sicker and less human. God bless you in your adventures :)

  15. hey! been following your blog.. i check out random posts now and then. by far i can relate to this one the most. you're a lot of things put together, but i enjoy reading what you write the most. they're short and simple, yet they speak volumes to me. carry on doing what you do. it's one of a kind ^^

  16. you are right!! those who havent struggled with depression can be a bit offending. im going through a really hard year myself and its so very hard to keep my chin up. i just take it one day at a time, constantly telling myself im going to be ok!! its sucks, it seems unfair, but its how my life is. we are here for ya!!!

  17. thanks for these reminders girlie. i've been feeling way out of sorts lately too, especially upon waking today. slow down, breathe in the simple things, and don't worry about the rest. yes. that's what we need. hugs!

  18. I found an article you might find interesting about creative people and depression. Here:

  19. Awesome article! Thanks so much McKella!

  20. Life does hold so many ups and downs, and sometimes it is just hard to be positive and happy or at least it is less easy for some. Right now we are definitely on a roller coaster and experiencing a dip with lots of unknowns and worries with it. I know we will get through this but during this time it is hard to be up all the time. As all the comments state and of course your original blog post it shows we are not alone and that in itself is a nice feeling. As we know "this too shall pass" and we will get through it. I hope things look up for you soon.

  21. I can relate to this completely. I too have struggled with depression all my life, and I take things more seriously than I should sometimes, and I get worried when I get into a lethargic, non-creative funk. Creativity is what saved me from my first bad bout of depression, so not "feeling like" creating kind of scares me. Sometimes I will do what Evasuejane suggested and make some "sad" or "angry" paintings to help visualize what's going on inside me. They are different than my usual art - controlled, exact - they are just swirls of color, unrestrained, untamed. It does help.

    I love that you share your good days and bad days on your blog. I have trouble sharing my bad days, thinking, no one wants to hear that depressing stuff. But I see by all the other comments here than everyone seems to relate to it. It helps to see that. <3 to you, I hope you feel better soon.

  22. Hey!
    I have been a secret follower for a while now. The other posts, the ones before this one, they were the ones which made me come out of my depression, and the bad mood. Thank for that!

    Now, second. I know how you say that happiness is a choice, I still havent been able to understand how that works -but I am working on it. Im getting there, slowly, but surely getting there.

    What I found that helps us get away from the 'down mood' is actually write. My blog happened to apead because of it. I found that writing makes me feel much better, and started writing ever since. And now, reading back to what I wrote and thinking on it, I can see that there were a lot of outer factors that affected it -such as your blog, and the happiness being a choice.

    I would actually leave a link so you could see the effects and the change through the months that you made on me, but it is in another language, so i dont think you would like too google translate every workd to attempt understanding.

    Smile Rache! Like you always say, hapiness is a choice -and trust me, you make others believe in that too! (ie me!)


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