The Daunting Path

   

  I didn't sleep well last night. I kept having nervous and anxious thoughts flood my mind. Mostly about my Tarot Deck. I am very nervous it is taking too long. It seems like forever since I announced it... and I am taking my sweet time on creating it. The truth is, I create it when I have the inspiration. I hate to force art.. I've found that when I do force myself to work on the Tarot Deck, I usually end up disliking the card and needing to re-do it. I'm also currently working on the Spirit De La Lune deck with Moondaughter . I feel like this is taking too long too.. because the original release dates for both decks was this fall, just in time for the holidays.. The Tarot Deck has 78 cards.. each card seems to take me about 5 hours to just draw out, and then the digital editing process to make sure it all lines up takes another 2 hours per card. That's over 500 hours of work.. and I want the cards to be good.  I want them to mean something... because this is a deck I will be doing readings with. I want each card to be beautiful, meaningful and inspired. This goes for the Spirit De La Lune deck as well..

      But last night I was tossing and turning feeling like I have let people down for taking so long in this offering. On top of the two decks, I'm also illustrating a new project that has yet to even be announced! I'm also blogging here,  Lotus Tarot, and writing for my newsletter. I also teach two classes at Sacred City... all while trying to still do human things like eating and cleaning.

     I tend to take on more than I can handle, but I refuse to let any project fizzle out. My current three projects are all I'm signing on to do until I complete one.. but for now I ask for patience.. because these projects mean so much to me!

I've been pouring so much into this deck, that a part of me feels it's totally acceptable to take years to complete. Of course, I won't let it take years... but I do feel that it's okay to take some time on it.. I don't want it to be rushed. I want lots of time to know that each of the 78 cards is exactly what I want.

I know that in the future I will be making more decks.. different themes, oracle decks, mythological decks, and more Tarot Decks.. and I don't want to dislike my first deck..

So to those who expected it to be released by now, I'm terribly sorry. I'm over half way done, and it is well on it's way to completion. I have two and a half more suits to complete.

Every time I get "stumped" on how I want a card to look I usually will go to sleep and ask my higher self to show me inspiration, and images to help me. I usually wake up with a clear image of what the card will look like.

Last night I asked to be shown the remaining cards in the Cup suit, and I'm excited to finish them...

I'm excited to finish all three projects actually, but to be honest I don't think I will ever not be working on something big. This is exciting and daunting all at the same time. Because I'm young, I've got a lot of years ahead of me.. and my skills, talent and mind will expand with those years, and so will my projects, and oh my goodness it's best for me not to think of the future!

(10 of Wands) 

 I'm feeling the 10 of Wands in my life very much at this time. Overwhelmed, nervous, stressed, but still pushing forward. In my 10 of wands I have a woman walking through a forest of large tree like wands. My wands grow from small hand held wands, like the above image with the 2 of wands.. to huge wands as large as trees.. full of magic, but also daunting. I wanted the daunting feeling in this 10 of wands, I wanted her to look nervous, but still walking forward. Ready to go down the stressful and scary path because she knows it will be worth it. On the flip side, the 10's speak of achievement and completion.. So if I am indeed feeling this card, than I'm well on my way to completion. The 10 of Wands has always been an inspirational card when I see it despite the many meanings out there that say to let go of some commitments.. When I woke up with this card in my third eye, I chose to take my inspired meaning of the card for the day. Reevaluate and prioritize your commitments, and keep on going down the dark scary path.. because it is always worth it.

Thank you for your patience in this deck. I only take my time on projects because I want them to be absolutely perfect. I'm still extremely passionate about this deck and each card in the deck. Each time I post a card and get good feedback, my heart sores to create another card.. so thank you for the kind words, support and patience.

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Tree Talker Tarot Update

Yes! The Tarot Deck is still happening! I've been soooo caught up with moving, teaching, readings.. the list goes on. Story of my life this last month am I right?! It seems every post starts off this way and I'm sorry. But I really am working on this here Tarot Deck. It's taken way longer than I thought it would.. which of course is also what I've been saying on the blog. I hit a block with the Court Cards of the Wands.

Obviously it was a block to creativity, especially because that's what the Suit of Wands represents. I drew out the Page of Wands, then decided to start over, then threw out the second try, and started a third one... half way through the third one I went back to finish the first one.
It took several weeks to get to the point of being okay with that card. I may even try a fourth time! But I decided to move on to The Knight of Wands and The Queen of Wands.

Here are some really rough photos from my sketchbook.. There is still so much to do on them! But I thought I would do an update on the project and let everyone know.. it's still happening!

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Special Day, with Special News! Announcing a Moon Oracle Deck, and my One Year Anniversary!

Today is kind of a big day for me... Just one year ago was one of the worst days of my life. I was laid off from my job again. It was the 3rd time in two years! I was teaching art to troubled youth. I taught for about 9 months before getting laid off.. where I switched to being a substitute. I was happy to be working with the same kids, sad I was no longer teaching art... but relieved I still had a job. Well a few months later I was laid off. It was a really really sad day for me, back then. I thought my world was over. No job, no way of making money. It was a scary day. 

But now it's a day that I celebrate. 

Today is my one year anniversary of doing this full time. 

I made a decision back then to do what I want to do. To do what I LOVE. And make money from it. And it's been a successful year. I haven't had to get into any extra debt, borrow money, or have a single late payment. And I'm so proud of myself. I'm a little sad because I feel my successes are very over looked in my family. I've always been the black sheep.. but this black sheep got a shade darker this year.. I don't always feel fully accepted., but this is something to be worked out another day, because after one year, I can say I fully accept myself, and am beyond proud. 


I remember the night I got laid off, Sterling and I went camping. I cried while sitting around the camp fire. Scared. So scared. Should I apply for another job? Fit into the mold my parents want? Should I try for government assistance? Would I have to move into a cheaper place? So many scary thoughts..... how would I feed myself? My pets? How would I afford rent!? 

But then I remembered affirmations. The whole time I worked at the school I would always think to myself how I wish I had more time for art. I would say stuff like "I am an artist. I want to do my art." I would repeat that phrase so often through out the day in hopes of reminding myself to do art when I got home. Well, I repeated it enough to where it came true. 

Sitting around the campfire that night I realized this is what I had wanted all along. I had been putting this thought out into the universe for so long that it came true! The universe doesn't always deliver how we want, but it does deliver. 

After I got over the shock, I went over a plan. 

I decided to offer Tarot Readings, and I'm still reading for Lotus Tarot.  Tarot has been a huge part of my year.. it's opened me up in so many ways.. and because I started reading Tarot full time, I started my own Tarot Deck. 

This year has been full of so many ups and downs.. and so many lessons. 

I struggled with depression this year more than ever. Not getting out of the house much really sucks.
But I've been learning to take my job anywhere I want! Which has helped out so much.

I also really struggled with waking up. Waking up has been the hardest part of this.. At school, my job started at 7:15. Now my job starts whenever I want it too.. But sometimes depression kept me in bed until noon.... or later.

I started meditating more, and doing yoga daily. I do 100 squats a day, and drink a lot of coffee. I get to have my hair pink whenever I want it, and eat breakfast in my underwear. I get to create art whenever I want. For fun, for money, for me, or for friends. It's been an amazing year. 

(Photo taken exactly one year ago today around that campfire) 

If I could visit Rachael from last year, sitting at the campfire scared and full of woe. I would tell her not to worry, and to trust herself. I would assure her, that in one year she would be extremely proud of her. Even if she felt totally alone in that pride. Because this is a very soul enriching path. 

And today on this very special day, I have another announcement! 

Marissa from Moondaughter  and I are teaming up for an Oracle Deck! This has been Marissa's idea for a few years and I''m so honored to be a part of this deck! It's going to feature mandalas and moon phases, and other spectacular things. I'm so excited. I love the way it's turning out! 
I trust Marissa's vision for this deck, and am having so much fun creating it. I once did a full concentration on Mandalas for an art class and had to do studies on their process as well as create several of my own. So I was extremely excited when we discussed Mandala cards. 

We've got three cards done so far.. but it's been a fun break from my Tarot Deck. I've been trying to work on the two simultaneously so they will be released around the same time. It's very refreshing to finish a Mandala, then start on a illustrated Tarot card. Once that's finished it's a refreshing break to do another Mandala. 

We are still deciding on a good name for the deck, so if you want to help leave a comment here, facebook, or instagram. If we like your name and choose it we will send you a free deck.

I want to finish this post with a sincere thank you to those who have supported me. In Tarot Readings, paintings, the Tarot Deck, Moon Deck... those who have read the books I illustrated. (Another one is coming out in a month! ) Those who read this blog, everyone who supports me. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. This has been a scary year, but wow, it's been so rewarding... and I couldn't have done it without your support. 

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Controlled Chaos

Last week I pulled an all nighter to finish this painting for the LTD Art Gallery.  The painting will be featured in the Fantasy in the City Show in Seattle. It opens in a few days, and I was kind of putting off working on the painting for way too long. So, I pulled an all nighter to finish it, because the next day or so, I had to ship it! I was pretty stressed, and when it came to framing it and filling out forms I came up with the first name I could think of. "Controlled Chaos." I felt like a cliche artist at that point... Hair was a mess from no sleep, paint all over me, stressed, frazzled and I had to come up with a name. So I picked a pretty cliche style name for the painting, but it seriously fits! 

The stars are done in a chaotic fashion. I love painting galaxies. Each little star is painted on, but in no order. I get to kind of go crazy with the stars. It's fun, and turns out beautifully chaotic. But those little city lights? They had to be roughly the same size, distanced equally, and very controlled. But, when looking at it, it looks rather chaotic. 

As cliche as the name is, it fits.

In the last post, I mentioned how I bought myself new paint.. In college I was using a slightly cheaper brand, and never really evolved to a more professional brand. I know that the materials don't make the artist, like the oven or stove doesn't make a chef, or the camera doesn't make a photographer... but it certainly helps.
I decided to upgrade my paint, painting station, and even my art boxes. I store all of my painting gear in vintage or antique boxes so when they are closed they still match my house. (I'm a genius, I know.)
Upgrading my paint has been fun, because in life upgrades happen that mark a new chapter in life.. Sometimes it comes in the form of a better working car, or a bigger house... for me, this new chapter is coming from new paint, mediums, and brushes.
I can't wait to get to know this paint more, but as I stated yesterday.. I'm trying to get back to that Tarot Deck of mine! (And a few other special projects)
Coincidentally, the card I'm working on is the 4 of Wands. New chapters, celebrations, gifts, good news, and abundance especially of the creative nature. The card for balance, harmony and completion.

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Tarot Prints Now Available!

Justice

Hey guys! I have a wonderful update on my Tarot Card project. First of all each card has taken hours.. Not just drawing them out, but painting them, scanning them, editing them.. it's been fun, and tiring. But I'm totally happy with the results so far! I am finished with the Major Arcana and will now be working on the suits. I have had a lot of people ask if I would sell prints of some of the cards and I figured that would be a fun idea.. especially to help me stay motivated!

So to celebrate the finished Major Arcana I am selling them as limited edition prints. This is the "first" edition as I'm sure some changes will be made to the final product. I won't be selling more prints once these are gone until I release the full deck. (Hopefully this fall!)

I'm offering only 5 per card, making it very limited edition. These measure about 5.5x9 inches with a white border so the entire image 8.5x11 inches making it look great in a frame as the white space acts as a border.
Each one will be signed, dated and numbered.. They are wrapped in a plastic sleeve and shipped in a cardboard mailer with lots of little doodles as decoration.

The Sun 

The Devil

The Tower

The Tree Talker Tarot now has it's own section in the shop.

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