Collecting Feathers

It's that time of year where I'm just a bit sad... 

I lost my pup Mowgli two years ago today. 

And it's still really rough for me. 

Even before Mowgli got sick I called him my "Sunshine."
This dog saved my life.

If you are new to this blog, you may not know..
I used to be depressed, very depressed.
I went through this depression, suicidal thoughts, loneliness
and an abusive marriage with only one thing.
Mowgli.

I called him my sunshine because he really did bring a light into my life.
He helped bring me out of depression.
He gave me a reason to live.
He made me happy when skies were gray...

And two months after my divorce was final, he passed away.

The words "Please don't take my sunshine away"
make me collapse in tears.
Still.

He is no longer here on this physical plane..
But I feel him.
He has shifted roles from a dog to a guiding angel.
I know this because I can still feel him.. and he leaves me feathers when I need them.

And last night I dreamed I was collecting his feathers.
The little blue-grey ones.. that match his blue-grey coat.

I miss him terribly, the way a best friend misses a best friend.
But I feel him.

I stumbled on this image today,

It made me cry and look to Wicket.
The loving timid little Wicket,
who is snuggled up to me,
looking up at me, smacking his lips.
Worried about me.
Loving me.

Because what more can we do?
We've got to just keep loving.


 I'm thankful for Mowgli, and the lessons he taught me, and continues to teach me.
How he taught me love, and be happy.
And he left me so I could love another..

Because it's Wicket's turn to be a dog and receive my unconditional love.

And it's my turn to receive the unconditional love of a dog, and an angel dog.

And I say this through tearful eyes,
I'm a very very lucky girl.

A Broken Heart

It's the same dream every time..
I am holding you, walking with you..
I set you down on the ground.
You start to run around.
Every time I'm surprised your legs aren't failing you.

I can't seem to figure out what this dream means.
I know you are trying to tell me something,
and every morning I wake up in tears begging you to try again.

Because this dream makes me feel like I could have saved you.
It makes me feel like I've failed.


It's been a whole entire year since we parted ways on this earthly plane.
And a whole lot longer since I told you I couldn't live without you by my side.

And it looks like I can.. barely.. and I sure don't want to.

I've had a few people tell me I shouldn't still be crying over you.
I've had a few people call me weird.

All I can tell them, is that they didn't know you like I did.
They didn't know how much you helped me. No one really knows.

A soul is a soul.. no matter what body it has.. and yours is truly missed. 

Today is a bitter day for me..
It took a lot to get out of bed...
My whole self hurts.
I caught a cold a few days ago, and I've been determined to cure it with no medication.
My heart hurts from remembering this week last year.
There really isn't any medication or herbs for a broken heart.



But I'm snuggled up to Wicket now, who would have loved Mowgli too. 



I've got to go to my parents for a St. Patrick's Day Party.
I don't think any of them remember this was the day he died.


The last thing I want to do is party.



I've got my own tribute to him later tonight.
I'm not very public about this one, but you can check my twitter updates.

From Memory

I love my two pups an awful lot. I love the silly adventures we all go on... 

But I sure do miss my Mowgli.

I know it's okay to miss him still.

And I'm glad I remember so many good memories.

(Instead of the terrible day he passed away..)

I'm surprised at the things I remember about Mowgli.

The way his fur felt, his goofy faces, his floppy ears and his curly tail.

I decided to do a painting of Mowgli.

From memory.

Many tears were shed while I painted.. 

But, I'm very happy with the results. 

It hangs on the wall near my bed.

This painting is not for sale.
Though limited edition prints might be.

However, this painting is listed as a custom painting..
Seeing it everyday has helped me heal a bit and smile in his memory.

I want to share that with others who have had a furry friend pass away.
I would love to paint other people's pets for them in this similar happy style.

Change

I miss a lot of things.

I think you already know number one on my list... 

I sure miss my little Mowgli.

I still cry every so often over him.

He is still in my dreams.

I still love him.

(I miss taking silly and sweet pictures with him!)

 I miss North Carolina.

Out of all the places I've ever been.. 

Different states, countries, hotels and homes..

North Carolina wins.

 

I miss the beach! 

(Mostly the beaches of North Carolina)

I am actually quite terrified of swimming in the ocean.

I don't like to lay out and get tan.

Why do I miss it then? I don't know. 

I just do.

I miss my blonde and pink hair!

It was lots of fun.. with a lot of up keep.

I like to have my hair look natural.. but I also love some extremities! 

Maybe I'll go back to this again.. at some point.

 I miss taking big cross country road trips.
There is nothing like having the back seat packed,
The front seat shared with a doggie, a camera and knitting supplies,
An ice chest that can barely be found under all the mess of the back seat.
Fruit snacks, energy drinks, string cheese, chocolate bars...
Stopping at little diners for dinner, 
stopping at spooky gas stations for potty breaks.
(Sometimes stopping on the side of the road for potty breaks..(I am not embarrassed!))

I also miss this guy.
This is my kitty cat Tas. 
I've had him since 8th grade!
We found out that he is pretty sick.
He lives with my parents, so I rarely see him.
(He was NOT a fan of Mowgli, so I had to leave him behind.) 
 Let's send little Tas some good thoughts, loves and kitty cat kisses!
(I don't want to loose another furry friend.)


Life changes pretty fast my friends. 
Before you know it...

There are new furry faces to love.
(Yes, boyfriend included.)

There are new beaches to visit.

New beautiful scenery to look at.

New adventures to go on.

New reasons to smile and laugh.

And lots and lots of chances to be happy.

Is there anything in particular you miss?

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 

Don't forget to come back on Monday.. 

For the first of the weekly giveaways! 

Operation Big Brave Dog

Operation Big Brave Dog is my plan to help Wicket. He is a little scardey cat. I've never met a dog who screams, but I can honestly say Wicket is a screamer.

Example: I let him outside to play and go potty. A dog 3 houses down barked. Wicket screamed, and ran inside. 15 minutes of looking later, I found him under the couch in the back corner of the room.

I've tried taking him on walks. He freezes up, his back legs stop working and he just lays there. Like a fainting goat. Nothing could get him up.

I talked to the vet about it. She didn't know what was wrong, other than him just being afraid of everything. It also turns out he is hypoglycemic. When he gets stressed his blood sugar gets low and he looses a lot of energy. She says he may grow out of it. For now, I'm trying to train him that the world is not so scary.

Last night we took him on another walk. It was dusk, and cool.. and I let him pick his own pace. I brought his favorite treats and a squeaky ball. Our goal was to make it down the block. Hardly a walk. He had never walked that far in his life.

It took lots of encouragement. Treats after every 4 steps turned into a treat after every tree we passed, which turned into a treat when we finally got home. He did great! He walked all the way home on his own.. and only needed a quick tug on the leash and a squeak from the ball to get him to cross the road.

I plan on training him more everyday. I want him to not be afraid of the world. Not be afraid of adventure.

I think he can do it.

I have also added a few new pup hats to the shop!

I'm now offering Pixie Pup Hats! Right now, I only have green listed, BUT I can make them in any color. With or without ear holes.

I am also offering the Ewok Pup hat!

Check out the pup hats here.  All the other pup hats have been brought back to the shop. After Mowgli passed away I stopped offering them. They just reminded me of him too much. But, I'm slowly getting better. The thought of Mowgli no longer makes me burst into tears. (Though my eyes are watering as I type this.) ..But.. Wicket is helping me become bigger and braver, just like I am helping him.

He shows more personality each day as he grows up. He shows me that he loves me more and more. (Which I need.) He is nothing like Mowgli.. and that is good. Because if he was exactly like Mowgli, then neither of them would be special. I'm very blessed to have (and to have had) two wonderful pups.

Sorry for the mushy puppy lovey talk. Go check out the pup hats! I told Wicket for every pup hat that sells he gets a little toy or treat. He is still learning to model.