Please be the winter blues.. Cause I can't take this much longer.
I've been very depressed. Again. I'm not sure when or if this will ever go away.
Or if this is something I will have to live with. Like always wearing a hood that keeps falling into my face..,
Or walking upstream a raging river, constantly tripping over a loose rock, being forced under the rapids.
And when you finally see clearly, or as clear as you can... you start to question the point of everything.
And everything feels so numb.. and so pointless.. and you kind of just crawl back into bed.
I'm searching my memory for how I used to cope with this.. How I used to get out of this, because I know I've done it successfully before. Even if it doesn't last long. It's better than this. Something... anything is better than this.
And I'm very thankful it's a new month, and the new moon is over... March used to bring me so much happiness, but all that changed a few years ago. Here is to hoping March will be a good month. A plea to myself to make it such.
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seeing and hearing you, sister. my hopes for march join with yours <3
ReplyDeleteJason Mraz songs lift me up...
ReplyDeletehttp://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd_GJsTSc2k&feature=related
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yza4SaoxxoY
This is something I've dealt with since Jr. High, especially during the winter months. I get seasonal depression baaaad. I'll literally feel like i'm in a fog for days and It's hard to explain, but it's almost like I don't WANT to be happy. Then when we get a few sunny warm days, I can physically feel that fog lift. And I always think "oh, it feels so good to be happy! I'll never get to a dark place like that again!" And sure enough, it always comes back. Sometimes, when I felt really low, I'd go tanning (weird, I know, but being in the light helped a bit) I don't do that anymore though because my family has a history of skin cancer, so I don't really want to risk it. Plus, it's a short term fix. When I'm at home, I open ALL my blinds all day long. It really seems to help. Granted, my heating bill goes up a bit, but I'll pay the extra few bucks to have sunshine and improve my mood. I really understand how you feel. I hope you can find ways that work for you, because it can be so miserable. I've had people say "you just need to decide to be happy" but it's so much more complicated than that. Good luck! I will be sending positive energy your way!!!
ReplyDeleteI swear we are on similar cycles. Either that, or we are just sensitive to the same movements. I am just now emerging from a month or so of the deepest depression I've faced in years. Cheers to finding our way out! There is always a way out!
ReplyDeleteHow funny! I used to go tanning to lift my mood also!!! And I quit because of my family history of skin cancer! I wonder if we do it for only a few minutes if we might be able to reap the benefits without the worry.
ReplyDeleteI actually used to as well in college. I want to get a SAD lamp.. I wonder if that would help. :)
ReplyDeleteJason Mraz is the best!
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) Really it means a lot. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are in that too... I might go see a doctor this week about it all. Terrified!
ReplyDelete