These last few days have been beyond stressful. Sterling is sick, real sick. He's got strep throat again and nothing seems to be easing his symptoms. He's taking an antibiotic, as well as lots of garlic, cayenne pepper, honey, lemon, peppermint, lots and lots of tea, and my homemade chicken noodle soup. He's stayed about the same if not gotten a little worse..
He's going to be upset that I told you this, but I think a lot of this has to do with anger and holding onto it. Sterling isn't an angry person, but he does have some things from his past that he is still angry about. He also is very hard on himself. Right now, he is frustrated with himself that he has been so sick and unable to work. I tell him to not be so angry with himself and the situation.. and he asks how? I don't have an answer.. How does someone release anger?
One of my favorite quotes..
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
I don't have a problem with anger, but I am hard on myself as well. I tend to stress myself out much more than needed. I've been focusing on getting gifts finished, taking care of Sterling, and a myriad of other things that needed to get done. I barely ate yesterday! I made myself a cup of hot cocoa, and had to reheat it at least 5 times! And I made toast, but forgot about it for a few hours.
Finally, as the day was winding down into the quiet of the night, Sterling and I were up watching Elf trying to get some laughs. I got an email from the rental agency explaining that they were going to raise rent 60.00. It was just about too much to handle.
We paused the movie and went over the new contract. They used such big unneeded words! I had to reread it a few times to understand it. They kept throwing around the word covenant instead of contract. I was raised to know a covenant is a sacred promise... I was pretty baffled at this new contract. Stating that if I was late on a single payment they had the rights to auction my stuff after one week. I've never heard of that! I've also never been late on a payment... But still. It's scary stuff.
I wrote her back explaining that the 60.00 a month was too high, and I was still in contract with the original one until September. Basically... they can do whatever they want because they can afford an attorney, and I can't. I feel they have been so sneaky with me. Trying to slip in new bills, rules and "covenants." But, there is no way I'm moving in December when there is 3 feet of snow!
I let her know of my worries and concerns and she agreed to only raise rent by 50.00. The raised rent would help cover the insulation costs for the attic and in turn lower all of my utilities.. They also agreed to have the gas bill split, but they didn't say how it would be split. I'm still waiting to hear back on that.
I have to have this new contract signed by Christmas.. Once Sterling is awake and feeling better I hope to put the contracts side by side and make some notes of each with his help. Since this new contract says nothing about pets, or even yard care.
I barely slept last night. This has all been too stressful. I know everything will work out as needed... but what if... what if.... things worked out to where I just didn't have any problems ever again? And my life was peaceful, and I didn't have to move ever again unless I wanted to. What if people were honest, and kind, and I didn't have to worry if I could trust someone.. What if my life could be stress free?? I guess it would start to get pretty boring. And now I look forward to finding a new home in September.