Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A Beautiful World

I've been extremely stressed lately. 
3 things have been weighing in on me lately.

My car, and the fact that it's been un-driveable for 3 months.
Taxes and the impending doom of math.
And of course the lovely debt that stacked up due to divorce. 

I was finally able to take my car in yesterday. The nice man at the car shop helped fix it up for a pretty decent price, and one huge weight has been lifted from me. I needed a new thermostat, a new alternator, a new transmission line, and I had a leak in the head gasket. Scary stuff, but it seems to be running fine now.. So I'm keeping a prayer in my heart every time I drive it.

This weekend I will tackle taxes a bit more. I've been adding numbers a bit every day, but my brain can't handle to do it all at once. So, I do bit by bit every once in a while, and try to drink some calming tea to help me sleep at night. I'll be honest.. it's pretty stressful.

And then the debt.. it's something I've been working on for a while now. One day I will be debt free, and my debt is only a fraction of what the average is.. but debt is debt, and stress is stress.

These things have really been taking a toll on me. It's been stressful beyond belief, and caused me many sleepless nights. It's scary doing this on my own. Really scary. But, I knew that I would have money problems when I went into this newly divorced life. It's been a year or so since the divorce, but I'm still on my own when it comes to money.

My wonderful boyfriend Brad offers to help constantly, but I'm so stubborn. I don't want to take anyone's money. Not ever. But, the thing that brings me comfort at night on those sleepless nights, is the thought, that if I did need help, I could turn to Brad. He is the one who tells me to not give up my dreams and not to quit painting, just to make money.

But I'm going to be honest.. This has been very hard, and it's making me dislike life just a bit.
I have very woeful moments, and I just don't feel myself in those woeful moments.

So, I'm working on remembering.. that it's still a beautiful world.
And these problems are actually very small in comparison.

And life is full of lessons, 
sometimes the biggest things we can take from them, 
is how to be happy despite our problems. 

And as I was writing this post I was reminded of the time
Brad and I drove up the mountain a little ways.
We stopped and walked to the ledge, and looked over at the city.
We really are so tiny.

So, I'm trying to work on my perspective and my attitude a little bit. 
Because going through life stricken with worry and stress is unhealthy.
 Living life that you just don't like is even worse. 

It truly is a beautiful world.


  1. I hope everything gets better for you!
    ps. You always have the prettiest pictures of Utah!!!


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  3. Hi Rachael,

    I think I read almost everything you post (because your blog is so amazing), but this particular post really touched me today. My husband and I are recently separated with a divorce looming on the horizon. It wasn't something that I wanted, but it is what it is. Your post gives me so much hope that I can make it a) financially, and b) that it is possible to find love again.

    Thanks for being such an inspiration.


  4. Rachel, your words touch my heart and I can see your strenghs as you write this. It's ok sweetie to lean on someone who wants to help, it's called love. Love your art, the blue eyed redhead is my daughter Amy! Come for a visit to yesterday's post on trees, I love them too!

  5. Stay positive! I know debt can be a constant cloud over your head, but just keep trying to enjoy life. Things will get better. You also take the most lovely pictures. =)

  6. Life can indeed be hard at times, for any given reason! Sometimes for months and sometimes for years, but one thing I learned is that things will always get better. Even the littlest things can make life become so much more wonderful. I hope that things start to get better and better every day for you, and you make your way happily out of stress!
    And, you look absolutely beautiful in the last picture! You have lovely eyes! :)

  7. Life can come at you full force sometimes. You just have to keep going, be positive, and make the best of what you're handed. You will come out stronger in the end.

  8. i can relate to the stress!!!!! and its hard to remember to breathe or try to relax. im also recently divorced, with two kiddos, and a large mortgage, and a house that isnt budging on the market. it is stressful!!!

  9. I think stress is going around right now. Your stress and dislike for life right now is what I'm going through too and so are a lot of people in the blogging community. That in itself lets us know that we're not in it alone.

  10. I love your scrappy braided bracelet! Did you make it??

  11. I love that hair color on you the best.

    1. Thanks! I think I'm going to keep it like this for a little while. It's got a tiny bit of pink in it still, but I'm going to let that fade out. :)


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