A Beautiful World

I've been extremely stressed lately. 

3 things have been weighing in on me lately.

My car, and the fact that it's been un-driveable for 3 months.

Taxes and the impending doom of math.

And of course the lovely debt that stacked up due to divorce. 

I was finally able to take my car in yesterday. The nice man at the car shop helped fix it up for a pretty decent price, and one huge weight has been lifted from me. I needed a new thermostat, a new alternator, a new transmission line, and I had a leak in the head gasket. Scary stuff, but it seems to be running fine now.. So I'm keeping a prayer in my heart every time I drive it.

This weekend I will tackle taxes a bit more. I've been adding numbers a bit every day, but my brain can't handle to do it all at once. So, I do bit by bit every once in a while, and try to drink some calming tea to help me sleep at night. I'll be honest.. it's pretty stressful.

And then the debt.. it's something I've been working on for a while now. One day I will be debt free, and my debt is only a fraction of what the average is.. but debt is debt, and stress is stress.

These things have really been taking a toll on me. It's been stressful beyond belief, and caused me many sleepless nights. It's scary doing this on my own. Really scary. But, I knew that I would have money problems when I went into this newly divorced life. It's been a year or so since the divorce, but I'm still on my own when it comes to money.

My wonderful boyfriend Brad offers to help constantly, but I'm so stubborn. I don't want to take anyone's money. Not ever. But, the thing that brings me comfort at night on those sleepless nights, is the thought, that if I did need help, I could turn to Brad. He is the one who tells me to not give up my dreams and not to quit painting, just to make money.

But I'm going to be honest.. This has been very hard, and it's making me dislike life just a bit.

I have very woeful moments, and I just don't feel myself in those woeful moments.

So, I'm working on remembering.. that it's still a beautiful world.

And these problems are actually very small in comparison.

And life is full of lessons, 

sometimes the biggest things we can take from them, 

is how to be happy despite our problems. 

And as I was writing this post I was reminded of the time
Brad and I drove up the mountain a little ways.
We stopped and walked to the ledge, and looked over at the city.
We really are so tiny.

So, I'm trying to work on my perspective and my attitude a little bit. 

Because going through life stricken with worry and stress is unhealthy.

 Living life that you just don't like is even worse. 

It truly is a beautiful world.