Monday, December 5, 2011

A Needed Break

 I lay in bed with my winter coat buttoned up fully. 
Hood on, covering my eyes.
My winter boots were still on, traces of snow still on the bottom.
 I was under the blankets, face down. 
I was the picture of pity.
and the face of hopelessness. 
My car won't start.
Pretty silly thing to cry about. 

But the thing is, I was crying for more than that.
My car was broken.
This is my first car ever.
I don't have the money to fix it.
How will I get to work? How will I get to the Post Office?

I thought to myself that I'm nearly in the same position as I was in this time last year!
Helpless and depending on others.
I felt as if I had made no progression. 
That's when the tears really came.

All day I had been thinking of ways to get my car to a shop.
Find someone to come take a look at it.
I was wishing the car fairy would come by and wave his wand over my car.
(The car fairy is a boy.. I'm sure)

While thinking and pondering I would sigh loudly.
I promised everyone I wasn't meaning to be melodramatic. 
That's just my way of letting all the negativity out.

My main concern is how will I get around.
I hate depending on others.
I'm severely independent.
To the point where I won't let Brad carry the heavy groceries.

So, there I was in bed, crying.
It was dark out, and there was nothing more that could be done on the car that night.
I had to accept the fact that I was going to need rides.
I lay there in Brad's arms.
Getting mascara all over his new sweatshirt. 
He told me over and over everything would be okay.
Sometimes, that's all I need.
I told him that, just to make him say it again.

I finally stopped crying and realized,
I'm not in the same place as I was last year.
Because this time I've got a house, two warm puppies, a car that has potential to start again,
and best of all.. people who love me, who are willing to help.

So I got up, and formulated a ride schedule with Destinee and Brad.
I planned it out in my mind what to do next.
I'm a lucky girl to have them.

I also realized, there are lots of other people in the world with problems greater than mine.
There is no use crying over a car, when some people don't even have homes, or food.
In other news, I will be closing the hat shop for Christmas early.
Next Monday, Brad and I are going to Disneyland! 
Now, before anyone goes thinking,
"Sheesh Rachael! Why would you go to Disneyland if you just spent all day crying about not being able to afford car repairs?! If you can afford Disneyland, you can afford your car repairs."
My answer is,
"We booked everything in advance."

The same thing happened when Mowgli got sick.
I had a ton of medical bills to pay for,
but up and went to Disneyland.
My answer is,
"We booked everything in advance."
Let me tell you something about booking in advance...
It's non refundable. But, you are smart. You knew that.

But, this is the second time something scary and expensive has happened right before a trip.
Maybe it is the universe giving me a good excuse to take a break.
Who knows.

This week I will be closing my hat shop.
It won't be for good, it will only be temporary.
For now.

To be honest, I've been wanting to close down the shop "Talk2thetrees" for a while now.
I haven't been adding anything new, or even relisting.
It's just that each hat takes nearly 3 hours to make,
(Some take 4!!)
and that's getting to be a bit time consuming, 
especially when all I want to do is paint.

One of my biggest goals this year is to close down my hat shop.
Strange that someone wants less sales.. right?

I'm fully aware that this may seem silly.
My hat shop does so well.
But, I'm not in this for the money or the sales.

I just want to paint.

So, while my goal is to close the hat shop down, 
my other goal is to boost views in my art shop.

Now you've read a pretty random post from the mind of Rachael.
Let's continue on with our days.


  1. We all need a good cry once in a while. You're so right to be thankful for what you have. We all need to remember that no matter how bad our day is going. I think if you're heart is telling you to paint then you're right to close up your hat shop. Lead with your heart. Have a great trip to Disney you deserve it.

  2. I hate cars. I hope you find a way to fix it! Also, I love the way your pictures look with the little snowflakes falling in front of them!

  3. Hoping your car faerie finds you!

    As one etsy seller to another, I have been really impressed with your knitting store;s success! A lot of crochet and knit shops don't do well at all, they are always complaining in the forums...but you make the front page!

    Cheers to following your heart.

  4. Thanks mckella and ajax! I'm still waiting for the car fairy. Maybe if I put the steering wheel under my pillow. :)

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your car!
    Last winter, my car would stall on me. IN THE MIDDLE OF DRIVING. It was so scary, but it got fixed and now it's workin like a champ.
    Everyone cries about things. It's life. You can't stop it. At least you're smart enough to realize after you're done letting it all out that it could be worse. Sometimes it just takes that moment of letting it all out to feel better again.

    Have fun at Disneyland. :)
    And you know what? Paint.
    <3 Ashlynn.

  6. Aw! Thanks for your sweet comment Ashlynn! I'm hoping it won't cost too much to fix my car.

  7. I do the same thing when things are going crappy for me. I step back and look at the big picture, knowing it could be a lot worse. Sure puts things in perspective. I hope the car fairy comes to visit you soon!


  8. Everyone need time... You are beautifully Human... I remember the day I was at home and the tax collector came to seize my car. I was so desperate... I let all my feelings come out and this moment I was not wondering about being pathetic or melodramatic... I was crying so hard in front at this man... I was cheated and this man was at my home in order to cash what I could not pay and so he was looking for my car because that car was the only thing he could seize... And I still have 3 years of payment!!! Maybe that scene was too pitiful for him and he told me he would give me time to fix things... I still have troubles but I'm grateful to my feelings and sensibility... I saved my car (and opened a unpayable mortgage ;)!!!) Maybe someone can say I'm a helpless girl but being myself helped me...
    And then, we spend a lot of time to give and find the explanations for our deeds... Too much time...
    I hope you will have a wonderful time in Disneyland with your Soulmate...
    I'll pray in my way for your car! ;)
    Why girls in troubles don't deserve a little fun?

    (I love the almost invisible snowflakes falling on your homepage!)♥

  9. Sorry to hear you're having car troubles. I feel your pain. My car was in the shop for over 2 weeks, came out, went right back in, and cost much more than I had to fix. They broke my stereo that my mom & my husband gifted to me just this past March. It can't be fixed.

    Then my husband's car was in the shop for over 4 weeks. The day he finally got to pick it up, it broke down on the way home. The engine is blown and can't be fixed. We have no savings left. We have no way to put a down payment on a 2nd vehicle.

    He works one direction, I go to school an hr. one way in the opposite. I am a year through a 2 yr. degree that means very much to me. So far, thanks to the love & kindness of family, we are making do. Love is a powerful & very precious thing. Treasure it Rachael and let those who love you share it with you, it can be so healing. Never deny someone the opportunity to give. Denying them is unfair to them.

    I have struggled with being a gracious receiver, and I love to give. I am learning to be a receiver and allow others to love me. It's a day by day, step by step journey :)

    Hang in there, you'll make it through this. Enjoy Disneyland, take a lot of photos, and enjoy Brad. Memories are also healing & powerful & precious. Make some.

  10. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through troubles just as you're off to vacation, and especially so to hear that you will be closing down your hat shop! :< I was going to purchase one last week but someone had gotten it before I could, so I marched myself off to hobby lobby and picked up some knitting needles and an abundance of pretty yarn so I could do it myself. Now I am left curious with how one attains such beautiful hats like , the one I was interested in!

  11. Yes, a needed break. :) Disneyland will be fun and a great chance to ramp things back when you're done.

    Have you even considered writting a book? I love the way that you write, as I'm sure you hear all the time.

    It will all work out in the end, as it always does. :)

    Enjoy your time off!!!

  12. Awww, I hope everything works itself out. Just think how much better your vacation is going to be now! You will appreciate it more =). Good luck with your art sales! I hope the new year brings you everything you hope for! =)

  13. ...i love passionate people :) you remind me of my kindred spirits. btw, i notice you're form utah. i'm headed out that was in 2 weeks; people ask me why and i tell them "to explore..." and leave it at that. hahah. if you're interested in a cup of tea, i'm all for random stranger meet ups!

    check me out at and let me know!


  14. Crying over a car isn't a silly thing. If crying is your way of venting, then go for it. Holding it in isn't healthy at all. Things will look up- I promise. Disney makes everything better, after all!

  15. Aw! Thank you all so much for your comments! I didn't see a lot of them until just now. :)

  16. Oh! And Chad, I won't be closing it down for a long while. I'll be relisting all my hats in the next week or so!


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