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Allowing Things To Die - Some Rather Big News

Of all the spring miracles big and small, this is my favorite of them all... 

In my last post, I mentioned the seeds that have been sleeping this winter. The seeds are starting to sprout, and I'm feeling a warmth bringing things back to life.
 New life is emerging. 

I of course meant it metaphorically.. and still do! But take a look at this! 

This wasn't exactly from a seed that I planted this Winter.. but it did come from a seed! This little apricot tree is the next generation of my family's apricot tree.

A daughter of the first tree I ever talked to. 

Now, I know that sounds really nerdy of me. But I'm a tree lover to my core. and this one is symbolic to me! Last year I was so excited to have a little sapling from my apricot tree. I kept her out on my porch in the same sunlight as she was used to.  I gave her water, love and crystals. And after the move, she was placed on the porch again. But she wasn't looking too good.
Her green leaves had fallen and crumpled and she looked like a withered twig. I blamed it on my black thumb (which I swear I no longer have! btw) or the move, and I left the dried little twig of a tree on the porch all winter. I put her out of my head as life continued with other various projects.
And all winter she slept.

And just the other day, I went outside to put candles and plants out on the porch. I've decided this porch will be my summer oasis. (So, I'm going to need a lot of plants. More on that later.) I looked over at the little twig who died last winter and I saw green leaves! I saw little buds. I saw life.

Okay, so I didn't exactly start this post to just talk about my little apricot sapling and how it restored my faith in the cycle of life and death. But I am liking where this is going... Because in order for there to be any life, there must first be death. The little apricot tree understands it. And allows itself to go dormant. To sleep. To die.

The little apricot tree, well I guess this tree's mother was the tree that inspired the name Talk2thetrees and Tree Talker. I was a weird little girl who believed believes in fairies. I spent my time outside building fairy houses, climbing trees and telling my secrets to the highest of branches. I am pretty sure my cousins teased me for talking to trees, but I owned it. 

Sometime in the middle of my childhood came the internet. Nothing like it is now, obviously. But I remember getting to choose an email address! I had several that I loved, but I had two I used most. xena1234@aol.com and talk2thetrees@aol.com, all on dial up internet. 

Talk2thetrees was my favorite choice of the two. I loved the ring to it. Plus, I did in fact talk to trees. I had NO idea that I would stick with that name for so long! Talktothetrees was open, but being young and excited that numbers could also be interchangeable with words, I opted for the 2. It doesn't bother me or anything, but I have been feeling it's time for something new.

Like the tree who started it all has taught me... it's okay to let things die. 

Because when things die, that's when new even better things are allowed to happen. 

A lot of my projects, inspiration, and even will to create died this winter. I didn't want to write because my blog didn't feel like home! I didn't want to post art or anything new here, because it didn't fit right. Like a sweater neck that is dangerously too close to the throat, I felt uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, and stressed. I took days off to journal. To make lists. Some days I painted. Some days I tried... but then everything piled up. So, I closed the computer, put on my comfiest pair of pants and watched Orange Is The New Black instead. (watch it.) 

I let just about everything slumber and sleep. 

Because that's what winter is for. 

It's those days where I didn't post, create, write, or do that matter the most.

That's where the ideas sit in the subconscious. Where they receive the things they need in order to grow. And soon when things start to warm up, the sun comes and sets the world back on fire. 

If you know me, you know I love symbolism. Fire is passion to me. With spring, comes the reigniting of passions. The Fire is relit. 

And like the little dead twig from last fall, new ideas are blossoming forth.

Yesterday I looked at my blog and discovered all of the things I wanted to change. It wasn't forced, it didn't feel scary and it didn't cause me stress. The task had spent enough time in the back of my mind gathering ideas and recourses subconsciously.The day before yesterday I looked at the Spirit De La Lune deck for the first time in about a month and finished 7 cards in a day! I wasn't sure what I was going for with the next suit, so I waiting until I felt the fire being lit.  I know my Tarot deck needs my attention. And I can feel that stirring as well. 

I have been meaning to write this post for a very long time.

And today it feels right. 

Something new is brewing! 

I have begun construction on a new website! 

I feel as if I've needed a new home on the web for quite some time. I can't wait. I've started the mock up of the new website. I've decided on color schemes, fonts, and have even put together some mood boards. 

I do plan on keeping and linking to this blog, though it will no longer be updated. I've had it since 2009, and I've blogged some heavy memories, and I've blogged some beautiful memories. But I feel it's time to start something new.

Please stay tuned for further news and updates on the new website. 

I'm still deciding on a launch date. 

Slumbering Seeds

I woke up feeling overall  "yuck" today. It's like I've caught the flu or something..  I felt heavy in my body, mind and spirit. In fact, I've been feeling this a lot lately. Not the flu, that's just today. But this heaviness... wow. It's been hard for me to connect to my center. Hard for me to be creative. This last Full Moon was extremely difficult for me. I had a lot of really rough emotions to ride out and a lot of feelings to face. I know the cause of a lot of this has to do with hormones and my own natural cycle.

I recently got an IUD removed, and with that a flood of emotions, trauma and feelings came over me. A woman's moon cycle is a way of cleansing and releasing emotions and feelings that no longer serve us. An IUD stops this process. So I'm currently finding myself experiencing years of unresolved emotional shit to go through. My entire cycle has seemed to switch on me. So, I'm needing to relearn, and release a lot of emotional traumas that have been stored.
A part of me has seriously wanted to hide away. Withdraw completely and just focus on myself. But the other part of me loves to journal and post online. I love to express myself, and I feel there is huge healing that comes with actually showing others your creative work, writing, and expressions. Of course I keep a private journal, and I don't post every single thing I create.. but I feel it is important to keep posting a small something at the very least.

I certainly do not post as much as I used to. And these last few months I haven't created like I've wanted to. Winter is hard for me... But I think it's meant to be hard. That's when the earth is a little darker, and gardens are not as abundant, foods are scarce. The Earth goes a bit barren. To truly ride the natural cycles, we too must find ourselves in our own dark winter. We must learn to ride it, to build snowmen, to light candles, and to hope that spring will come again. There is hope in winter.. because this is when we plant the seeds.
 
I've let a few projects slumber over the winter without meaning to.. in retrospect, it was probably a good idea. I know that with spring coming, new ideas, passions and inspiration are reignited. As much as I don't like to admit it, I'm a believer that letting some ideas sit and slumber will bring forth better results. I just have to come to understand that people won't be upset with me if I'm a little late..

The projects I feel the most sad about are my Tarot Deck and the Spirit De La Lune Deck. Both of these decks were supposed to come out earlier, but oh man.. I had no idea what it took to invest that much time and energy and love and spirit into one card.

My Tarot Deck has spent quite some time sitting on the shelf waiting to be finished. I'm so very close to printing, but there is just something blocking me from seeing the vision of the next part. I'm extremely nervous to put it out there.. and I feel like there are so many edits that need to happen!

The Spirit De La Lune deck is also slowly starting to wake up it seems! It has made more progression than the other deck, but it's still a slow go. My goal is to finish a major chunk this week as well as get the back of the designs under way. I can't wait to hold these cards in my hands! I think we've decided on round cards.

Thank you for your patience while I tend my seeds.