Monday, March 16, 2015

Slumbering Seeds

I woke up feeling overall  "yuck" today. It's like I've caught the flu or something..  I felt heavy in my body, mind and spirit. In fact, I've been feeling this a lot lately. Not the flu, that's just today. But this heaviness... wow. It's been hard for me to connect to my center. Hard for me to be creative. This last Full Moon was extremely difficult for me. I had a lot of really rough emotions to ride out and a lot of feelings to face. I know the cause of a lot of this has to do with hormones and my own natural cycle.

I recently got an IUD removed, and with that a flood of emotions, trauma and feelings came over me. A woman's moon cycle is a way of cleansing and releasing emotions and feelings that no longer serve us. An IUD stops this process. So I'm currently finding myself experiencing years of unresolved emotional shit to go through. My entire cycle has seemed to switch on me. So, I'm needing to relearn, and release a lot of emotional traumas that have been stored.
A part of me has seriously wanted to hide away. Withdraw completely and just focus on myself. But the other part of me loves to journal and post online. I love to express myself, and I feel there is huge healing that comes with actually showing others your creative work, writing, and expressions. Of course I keep a private journal, and I don't post every single thing I create.. but I feel it is important to keep posting a small something at the very least.

I certainly do not post as much as I used to. And these last few months I haven't created like I've wanted to. Winter is hard for me... But I think it's meant to be hard. That's when the earth is a little darker, and gardens are not as abundant, foods are scarce. The Earth goes a bit barren. To truly ride the natural cycles, we too must find ourselves in our own dark winter. We must learn to ride it, to build snowmen, to light candles, and to hope that spring will come again. There is hope in winter.. because this is when we plant the seeds.
I've let a few projects slumber over the winter without meaning to.. in retrospect, it was probably a good idea. I know that with spring coming, new ideas, passions and inspiration are reignited. As much as I don't like to admit it, I'm a believer that letting some ideas sit and slumber will bring forth better results. I just have to come to understand that people won't be upset with me if I'm a little late..

The projects I feel the most sad about are my Tarot Deck and the Spirit De La Lune Deck. Both of these decks were supposed to come out earlier, but oh man.. I had no idea what it took to invest that much time and energy and love and spirit into one card.

My Tarot Deck has spent quite some time sitting on the shelf waiting to be finished. I'm so very close to printing, but there is just something blocking me from seeing the vision of the next part. I'm extremely nervous to put it out there.. and I feel like there are so many edits that need to happen!

The Spirit De La Lune deck is also slowly starting to wake up it seems! It has made more progression than the other deck, but it's still a slow go. My goal is to finish a major chunk this week as well as get the back of the designs under way. I can't wait to hold these cards in my hands! I think we've decided on round cards.

Thank you for your patience while I tend my seeds.


  1. I love that you share so openly. Winter IS hard. We only see the skeletons, some barren, some with contrived colorful masks. These are no match for the organic growth of spring and summer, and we are blind to the vibrant health beneath the brown shell. Snow may start out soft and light, but dipping into it, unprotected, brings that unexpected frosty chill, and it soon turns to hardened ice. Yet, that ice is somewhat of a protection in itself, affording the time for slumber and renewal, hidden from display in the darkness. We are water and water is emotion, even in it's frozen state. Temporary ice caves and castles remind us of just how fleeting emotions are. For when the sun comes to linger, they too will flow, the embattlements along with them..

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