Friday, March 16, 2012

A Broken Heart






It's the same dream every time..
I am holding you, walking with you..
I set you down on the ground.
You start to run around.
Every time I'm surprised your legs aren't failing you.

I can't seem to figure out what this dream means.
I know you are trying to tell me something,
and every morning I wake up in tears begging you to try again.

Because this dream makes me feel like I could have saved you.
It makes me feel like I've failed.


It's been a whole entire year since we parted ways on this earthly plane.
And a whole lot longer since I told you I couldn't live without you by my side.

And it looks like I can.. barely.. and I sure don't want to.

I've had a few people tell me I shouldn't still be crying over you.
I've had a few people call me weird.

All I can tell them, is that they didn't know you like I did.
They didn't know how much you helped me. No one really knows.

A soul is a soul.. no matter what body it has.. and yours is truly missed. 





Today is a bitter day for me..
It took a lot to get out of bed...
My whole self hurts.
I caught a cold a few days ago, and I've been determined to cure it with no medication.
My heart hurts from remembering this week last year.
There really isn't any medication or herbs for a broken heart.



But I'm snuggled up to Wicket now, who would have loved Mowgli too. 



I've got to go to my parents for a St. Patrick's Day Party.
I don't think any of them remember this was the day he died.


The last thing I want to do is party.



I've got my own tribute to him later tonight.
I'm not very public about this one, but you can check my twitter updates.







38 comments:

  1. awww... sorry for your loss,
    frequentupdates.com

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  2. Maybe the dream is just his way of stopping in to visit you and let you know he is no longer hurting... Keep your chin up girlie <3 I don't think it's weird that you are still upset. "Pets" are family. My cat means the world to me...he is my baby, so I completely understand.

    Julie
    http://julies-thisandthat.blogspot.com/

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  3. awhhh rachael...</3 I hope today gets better!!

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  4. I'm been missing someone too lately, and found these quotes that helped me.

    "The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love, is waking up to see that person gone. You know it, it takes seconds to say hello. It takes forever to say goodbye. Moving on is easy, but what you leave behind Is what makes it hard."
    Tyga

    "I know that i love you not because you're the first thing i think of when i wake up, or because you're the last thing i think of when i go to sleep. But because even in my dreams i see you face"
    Unknown quotes

    *hugs* Hope you feel better soon.

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  5. This is so deeply heartfelt and lovely. You are very lucky to have known a love like that one. Hope you feel better!

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    1. Thanks Alma! :) I'm doing much better than I was yesterday.

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  6. "A soul is a soul.. no matter what body it has..." Amen!

    Sending lots of love, hugs, positive energy and sympathy to you today & this weekend.

    I know I don't actually know you nor did I know Mowgli but to me when I read your dream I took it to mean he was telling you he was okay. That he is whole, healthy and happy where he is even though he misses you. From what I've read you did everything you could for Mowgli and if love was enough he would have been healed but medicine isn't love and neither can heal everything. Sometimes angles are just meant to visit us for smaller times than others.

    Your tribute to Mowgli will be beautiful!

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    1. Thanks! I am positive if love was enough he would still be here.. :)

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  7. It definitely is noones business to tell someone else how to grieve for their best friend. I know I am very far away from all of this, but that dream doesn't seem like a negative message to me... maybe he just wants to show you that now he is all ok again and the times when you two are together will come back.
    I know how little solace there is in such times... but I do hope you can find the little that there is, to keep you going, and to breathe through the pain.
    hugs

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    1. Thanks :) I sometimes feel like that's what the dream is, but I am always afraid that I didn't do enough for him.. and I think that's what hurts.. But, I'm trying to heal. :)

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  8. Dogs are family, and it hurts to lose your family. What sweet pictures.

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  9. Beautiful Pictures... a great tribute.

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  10. I'm so sorry! The people that don't understand your pain and tears, don't know what it means to find a friend in a pet, to love it with all your heart and to lose it. I have experienced this 3 times and I will never forget a single one of them...I still love them dearly and miss them so very much and draw strength from the love I get from my pup and kitty every day!
    Such a wonderful tribute to such a wonderful and special little friend! xxx

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    1. Thanks Chrissy, :) I don't think I could do it again.. I always tell Wicket to never leave me.. I couldn't handle it!

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  11. There is no time limit nor right way to grieve. No one should tell you to be over it, or that you are weird because your heart has a hole & is hurting. You are such a special & beautiful soul Rachael, hang in there, love on Wicket, talk to Mowgli, and cuddle your man...he seems like a real good one. Love & peace to you always!

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    1. Thanks Chelle! I do snuggle both wicket and my man. They are both so so good. And I DO talk to Mowgli.. sometimes I feel a bit like a nerd, but I know he is with me. :)

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  12. That dream sounds to me like Mowgli is trying to tell you something better. It sounds to me like he's trying to show you that he's okay now. Maybe he's trying to help you heal? I hope your heart starts to feel less broken over the next few days. I've had a lot of loss in my life, so I understand that that hurt never really goes away, it just fades into the background for periods of time. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way. <3

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    1. I hope that's the case.. I always feel like I could have saved him.. even though, I think about it and know I couldn't..

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    2. And Mowgli knows that, too. <3

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  13. My sweet Sadie has been gone for six years now & I still shed a few tears on occasion. She was so smart & special & I was truly fortunate to have had her in my life. Your words sure touched a chord with me. You were very lucky indeed to have had Mowgli. I totally understand what you are feeling. Hugs.

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    1. It's so hard... :( I'm sorry about your Sadie. I believe we will get to see our furry friends again. :)

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  14. Lots of hugs and kisses to you - good luck with getting through the party - I think it's perfectly magical that you are having your own special tribute to Mowgli tonight. Losing a furry child is awful...my thoughts and kitten kisses (because I don't have dogs...my kittens send kisses!) to you! xoxo

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    1. Thanks so much Jenna! I'm doing much better today.. xoxo

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  15. I am really hoping for you to feel better. I'm sure it's so difficult but I'm glad you can openly look back because these pictures are truly magical (and the 2nd one is making me laugh)!

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    1. Isn't the second one hilarious!? It was on his 1st birthday when I gave him that shark. It was his favorite toy in the whole world. :)

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  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been a little over two years since I lost my best friend, Faust. I still think about his fuzzy face often and I still can't talk about him with out tearing up. Super smart and super lovey, dovey our new little friend is good in his own way but no other dog can compare to Faust.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean.. :) I love love little Wicket, but he is totally different then Mowgli. No one can compare to mowgli, and yet no one can compare to Wicket!

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  17. I'm so sorry. Some people don't understand the very special and emotional connections between people and animals. You should let yourself grieve and remember your dear friend and know you've got a little puppy angel looking out for you.

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  18. Aww honey! This makes me so sad. My sister and I say that if our puppies ever die we are going to be soo heart broken. And then we cry just thinking about it. Get mad at ourselves, and then distract ourselves again. I hope Wicket makes it so much easier for you!

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