Tuesday, March 1, 2011


This is something I have not really talked about here. It's been a few months, and I am ready to talk about it with you guys... Some of you may not know, and some of you probably only know a little bit of what has been going on.

I'm Rachael, I'm 22, and I just got divorced.  I married young, I was just barely 20 when I got married... If you look through my old posts you will see posts of me and my ex together. I don't believe in deleting them, so feel free to look.
Where I live (Utah), divorce is pretty frowned upon. I'm not really a supporter in divorce myself. I believe in love and marriage.
(Though I'm not in any rush to get married again.. believe me.) 
I believe in relationships, and working hard, and fighting through the hard times.
BUT I am also a believer in standing up for yourself, and being treated right.

I gave it my all for nearly two years. I won't go into details, but I was abused physically, and emotionally.. I felt so alone while I should have felt loved. I was ignored. I sat alone not talking to anyone for days while my ex was playing with friends.

I didn't feel that it was right to accept being treated that way, and just keep living my life, day to day being ignored, insulted, and neglected. I wanted to find someone who would treat me right, and if I couldn't find that someone, then I would be fully prepared to live my life alone. (I still am.)

It took a lot of strength and courage to come to my decision to leave. No one really truly understands how hard it is unless you have been through it... and I know some of you readers have been through this.

I was living in Memphis when I made my decision. I didn't have much money, I didn't even have a car. I had to rent a car, pack everything up and drive back home to Utah. Alone. I was terrified, and I felt so little and all alone...What would life be like? Moving back to my old town, seeing the people who gave me wedding gifts. Seeing the people who told me marriage was a bad idea.. admitting I was wrong. It would be very embarrassing, but I was determined to change my life. I realized that I was missing out on someone who would care about me. After all... No one really gets sick of loving. People get sick of being neglected and ignored and insulted by someone they love.

Sometimes, life feels like it's shattering around you.. everything is falling apart. I choose to give my life to someone. I planned on staying with this person forever, having kids and growing old together. And then next thing I knew, everything was falling apart.

But I felt hopeful.

Because you always have a choice.

I could have chosen to hate love, hate life and hate everything. I could have locked myself up in the house for days and days. I could have given up. But I didn't, and I won't.

Life is still beautiful, and people are still beautiful.  

Love is still beautiful.

Life is as good as you want it to be. 

And after everything that happened, and everything I've been through, and will go through...
Life will be beautiful.


  1. U r awesome. I had no idea u deserve the best. Keep up the good attitude and u will find love again. You're beautiful!

  2. Coming from a fellow Utahn, I totally understand. I have been in this situation as well and it's a VERY painful thing to deal with. Thanks for sharing. For people like me, it's comforting to know you aren't alone having to go through something like this!

  3. it is so brave of you to share this... you are really at good writing, even chatty blog language flows nicely and your blog is intriuging (spelling...) to read! cheers <3

  4. it is so brave of you to stand up and say such things whilst your heart and soul must still be bleeding, i really admire you for that courage. keep it up and you'll see that you are right!
    many hugs from the other side of the world

  5. I am glad you found your way out it takes a lot of strength and hope.

  6. You are so brave and strong. I am so proud of you for taking a leap of faith and following your path. Things will work out for you. I know it. <3

  7. You are such an inspiring person! I'm so glad that you were able to get out of a bad situation. You deserve so much better.

  8. Aw Hug... I dont understand from being married to him but i understand from the daughter of point of view... and no one deserves it.. Im glad you stayed positive.. Your such a cute girl!!

  9. Rachael, you are amazing. I'm so glad I read this blog post. You're so brave and I'm so glad you CHOSE to be happy. It definitely is a choice, and not always the easiest one. <3 You're inspiring :)

  10. I'm married young too :) While it's been great for us, I understand that you need to be who you are.

    Keep strong, don't worry about the people judging you, I come from a small town too and EVERYONE said getting married was a bad idea :)

  11. i just wanted to say publically that you are a hero of mine! it took a lot of courage to come out and write about things that are still obviously very fresh wounds, yet show other young girls that there is life after heart-ache and that the universe still has so much out there to offer! we need more rachaels out there!

    i really admire your ability to see the good in each and every situation, and it's something that i strive to do in my own life as well. i also admire your ability to love yourself and know that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect -- leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things out there, and from personal experience i can really empathise with your situation. it takes a lot of courage, and a hell of a lot of strength... and you seem to have accomplished it with grace!

    keep dreaming, exploring, and taking chances. you are truly beautiful on the inside and out, and some day everything that you are learning now will be important lessons that you will pass along to your children and their children.

    YOU ROCK!!! :)

    xx, kara

  12. I think I might have already said this, but I completely admire your strength and courage for sticking up for yourself and making the difficult decision to leave. Not everyone is that strong.

  13. it takes so much courage to go through this i'm sure. i'm astounded at your positivity. thinking about you :)

  14. You are strong and brave and wise.

    At 42, I have decisions that I've made that I regret just as I regret the decisions I let others make for me. The best decisions are the ones that we make by ourselves for ourselves.

    I think you're wonderful :)

  15. Rachael,
    I am proud of you for sharing such a hardship with your readers... I'm sorry you went through this, but amazed at the happiness and joy you are choosing to find in life now. Your art and creativity obviously allow you to heal, grow, and be inspired. Continue to take care of YOU!
    xoxo Mary


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